a day in the life of a crazy bilby

i was walking along the beach the other day, when lo and behold, i found a mermaid. she was hot. and kinda cut up from a fishing net. i walked over to this mermaid and wondered why no-one else had noticed her. anyway i carried her back to my place wich wasnt very far away and i patched her up with lots of waterproof bandaids. and she was so grateful she said "oh mr bilby lets have sex" and i said sure thing. she looked at me and said "what about your girlfriend?" and i said "shane isnt here now baby, what he doesnt know wont hurt him" and the mermaid giggled and said "oh mr bilby, you do go on".

so i took her to my room, and as she was already naked, i didnt have to undress her. well i got naked and my beer belly nearly knocked a hole in the wall. yes, im a bit of an alcoholic. well i got on the bed with her and i was like "so what do we do now?" and she looked at me kinda strange and was like "im nto ur irst am i???" and i said "fuck no, im the pimpiest pimp this side of pimpsville, i get more ass than a toilet seat, i get more pussy than mel gibson, i get more ladies than a womens bathroom" and she laughed and said "bullshit, ur a bad liar"

i was kinda shocked that she had seen through my brilliant disguise, and was like, "ouch". she laughed some more. i said "well iv seen a lot of porn in my day, i know what goes were and all that" and she said "gay porn doesnt count" shit, there goes half my experience. "how do u do a mermaid anyway??? i mean, your a fish on the bottom. iv never seen fish doing it or anything, so what the fuck is supposed to happen???" and she pulled off her tail, and i realised she wasnt a mermaid at all. she was a merman! oh god, jesus almighty, a fucking merman in my bed! thank you lord!

so i looked at her, erm, him, and was like, "this doesnt make it any easier you know" and he giggled in his high girly voice and said "oh mr bibly, surely you can use your imagination here" and i thought about it for a bit, and a bit more, and after half an hour realised that the merman had got bored of waiting and was now watching fish porn on my laptop. "i know!" i shouted at long last. "give me lots and lots of head!" and the merman licked his lips and said "yum yum, bibly, i cant wait to begin" and i started feeling all high and mighty so i yelled "yea bitch, you better enjoy it" and smacked him in the face. he punched me in the nuts and it hurt like fuck! i kinda blacked out for a bit at this point.

when i came to, i was getting some! hell yea! even when im passed out due to getting hit in the gonads, i can still score!!! go me!!! so i sat there smiling and nodding my head, and was like, "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yea bitch, you like that dont you, yea take it all!" and he stopped and looked up at me "wait, thats all??? thats all there is to you??? christ, i woulda thought, you know, having big feet and all, but ok...." and i sat there kinda shocked at this. "oh" he said again. "by the way, you jizzed like 28 times in the first 5 seconds as well. might wanna call that premature ejaculation number or something" i was angry at this, so i grabbed his hair and pushed him onto my monstrously hunourmous gigantic bilby cock and was like "i hope you choke bitch!"

at this point in time, shane burst through the door. "oh my god, bilby, how could you?????????" he shouted and burst into tears. "baby, its not what it looks like" i tried to comfort him. "its a merman, i found him on the beach and i had to help him, and this is my magical reward is all" and shane cried even harder and said "you've been drinking again havnt you?" and i said "what do you mean?" and he said "thats not a merman thats fraser logan!" and i looked down and relised that it was, and fraser logan looked up at me and smiled and said "fucked up there, didnt you?"

well, just a little hint at how bored i am right now. im so bored i wrote a gay erotica about bilby and flogan. have a good fathers day everyone.