yet another day in the life of a crazybilby

I looked back from my watch. Someone was walking into the room Shane was in.
Oh No!
IT'S JOSH HEANEY.
they both started making out.
Bilby thought to himself "everyones cheating on everyone arent they?"
so he strips off naked and runs in.
Shane sees him, the look of anticipation brought on by josh fades as he sees a naked bilby run in the room.
Bilby, as mad as a hatter, is pissbolting towards them.
Both shane and josh being naked, he started to scream "PENIS!!!!!! ITSA MAKING ME CRAZYYYY!!!!"
from there Josh says
"bibbidy babbidy boo, may your christmas wishes turn to poo"
and bilby miracously dissapeared.

When Bilby awoke he was in a winterwonder land.
But what is this?
a faun walks over
"Hullo there mista bilby, IT'S MEE, MISTA TUMNESS"
"Oh fuck off Jethro"
The faun, who was Jethro Gartrell, takes a leak on Bilby and runs off.
"ITSA MAKING ME CRAZY, I WANT TO CHOP IT UP INTO TINY PEICES"
"Sure whatever Ranga Ranger"
It is then Bilby realizes something
in a land of Jethro fauns, he was no longer on earth.
He looks to his side and sees a Claymore stuck into the ground. He pulls it out and sees his reflection in the claymore, something he hadnt seen in a long time.
He looked like an unshaven barbarian, intimidating per his time at the waterfront.
"I shalll become THE RANGA RANGER"
He swings the sword epically.
"I MUST FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE EVIL GAY WIZARD JOSH HEANEY"
Stabs it into the ground.
"GET BACK TO EARTH"
Sees the Jethro faun coming back "teeheeheehee mista bilby im going to throw my poo at you"
"AND RECLAIM MY LOST LOVE!"
he swings his sword back and chops the jethro faun in half.

Meanwhile a unicorn walks past and sees this massicre.,
A ranga barbarian, all rugged in hobo-ish clothing weilding a giant claymore, killed a peaceful forest faun.
The unicorn looked over shocked. he had never seen something so graphic in his life.
HOLY FUCK. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. DID ANYONE JUST FUCKING SEE THAT? THAT FUCKING DUDE JUST CUT THAT FAUN UP. HOLY FUCK. WHAT DO I DO? WHAT IF HE COMES AFTER ME NEXT? OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!
I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING, I GOT TOO MUCH TO LVIE FOR. WHY THE FUCK WAS I HERE MAN? WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?
THIS IS FUCKED, THAT RANGA PSYCHOS GONNA GET ME AND OTHERS NEXT
SHIT DO I WARN PEOPLE? NO THEN HE'LL KNOW ITS ME. FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCKING HELL WHAT THE FUCK? WHY WOULD HE FUCKING DO THAT
OHHH SHIT THERES BLOOD PISSING EVERYWHERE. NO ONE COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT. ITS BURTAL. OH GOD. OH GOD. WHO WAS THAT?
WAS THAT JETHRO?
HOLY FUCK.
HOLY FUCK!!!!
AHHH SHIT NO!
THIS IS MESSED UP SHIT MAN THIS IS MESSED UP SHIT
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK????

Bilby heard a screaming somewhere in the footage, he saw a petrified unicorn standing in the distance, screaming obscenities into the air.
"hmm, i need to see higher up. i need to ride that unicorn to see if there are any villages in the distance."
Bilby appraches the unicorn, still screaming like a lunatic.
he climbs on it and ride it into the sky

OH NO! THE CRAZY BASTARDS ON ME! AHHH FUCK.
Okay, calm down, calm down.
If i fly where he wants, he'll leave me alone.
Lets hope nothing else happens
but still
AHHHHHH FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. IM SO FUCKING SCARED
ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

Bilby, flying high and mighty, riding his white horned stead and weilding a big fuck off claymore, looks over in the distance.
A DRAGON.
an evil creature.
something that may know a certain homosexual dragon.
Bilby fly's over to the big ass dragon. 300 feet big.

OH FUCK. YOU SERIOUS?
OHHH SHIT,. WHAT THE FUCK?
WHAT THE FUCK IS A DRAGON DOING THERE.
OHHJHHHHHHHH FUCK!~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
FUCK THIS!

Bilby, charging full force at the dragon, weilding his fuck off claymore. falls off as the unicorn reaches into its pocket, pulls out a gun and shoots itself.

He falls down, but the dragon swoops down and picks him up on his wings.

"well helloooo there
I'm a dragon
And i sound like John Hurt
I shall take you to Merlin, the young wizard, so with you he can fully realise his powers"
Bilby was then all like "get out maa grill gay dragon before i shank yo scaley ass, bitch!"
and then the dragon was all like "well, i don't appreciate the threat, but i do hope we can become quite good friends...QUITE...good friends" ;) ;)
the dragon winked flirtatiously at bilby.
The thought of dragon rape didn't appeal to Bilby, despite the fact he did get Shane to roar and stampede around the room on role play night.
So bilby took up his awesome claymore, his Bastard Broadsword and brought it down upon the dragons nut sack.
"OWWWW FUCK"
the dragon went nose diving into the ground. spirialling out of control, Bilby had to think fast.
He jump, and landed in the soft plumage.
The dragon, however, well... he landed, and considering how high up he was...
He exploded on impact. Dragon blood and guts everywhere.

"oh no!"
Young Merlin came out of his crappy channel 10 produced shack..
"My-my friend"
he approaches bilby, wand pulled out ready to kill bilby with a wingardium leviosa.
"oh no, Merlin, this isn't how it looks"
"My-my mentor"
"i sincerely apologize Merlin"
Merlin, tears streaming down his face, muttered the last words that will silence bilbby and freeze his soul "my... lover"

who was bilby then. To come in and take away someones lover. in the way someone took away his.
Bilby
"i know how you feel, i had a lover taken away from me too. and i can understand your want for vengence... I go looking for vengence myself."
Merlin, wand raised back "and why should i let you live?"
"you shouldn't. you should just accept it, forget about your loss and move on."
Merlin, putting his wand back to his side, starts to cry.
"HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT MY LOVER. WHEN I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS!!!...."
He turns around to show bilby an insane decaying dragon fuck hole in his lower back.
"If it's of any constellation to you Merlin, Your dragon hit on me, he was going to cheat on you"
Merlin, stunned.
"Oh, then i'm glad you killed the fat scaley slut. I will be happy to accompany you on your mission for vengence"
Bilby. "awesome, just dont bring any of those dick heads from your show. seriously, they fucking suck. so do you but your the main dude so you kinda have to kick ass in some way"
Merlin, replies "no not really. i'm just some bullshit guy who is suppose to show some real power, but i dont, i never do".
Well, Bilby thought. "Still come, i have something to ask of you"
Merlin, puzzled. "yes what may this be"

Bilby, walks away, and towards the dragons bloody pile.
"I went after this dragon, thinking i could find someone who holds the keys to my tragedies."
Merlin, approaching Bilby. "Who is this person?"
Bilby turns around. "I know him by one name, Josh Heaney. He is a wizard, more powerful than yourself. i was transported to this magical land where i must find my way home to destroy those with my mighty sword who have conspired against me, and regain my lost love . "

Merlin, "hmmm. i think i have heard of this josh fellow. He trained the dragon, and he resides in Dormor."
Bilby. pulling his sword out. "Then to Dormor we must ride"
Bilbby, stabbing his sword into the ground. "Merlin, magiic us up a low rider" big triumphant grin on Bilby's face.
"urmm, dont you remember? i dont do magic, im trying to reaalise my full power."
Bilby is angered by this. He approaches Merlin, then cuts him down with his big ass fuck off claymore.
All of a sudden blue light started pouring out of Merlins corpse. and out came a blue orb.
Bilby approached it, and snatched it.
It was at that point Bilby flew up into the air , darkness filled his eyelids.
That darkness then turned into a shoreline.

There sat flogan in his net, drunk as ever, recovering from a session from the pub across the road.
From all of a sudden, in a puff of smoke, Josh Heaney appeared next to him, all dressed up in wizards garments.
"bibbidy bobbidy boo, turn this lobster into goo!"
Frazer turned into a Mermaid.

Josh then walks away, muttering his diabalical plan "mwa hahhahahahahahahaaaaa, Master, our plan is now in session. Bilby will come along now and rescue this mermaid, who will soon afterwarddss turn into a merman for the duration of there love act. And when the sight of shane is exposed to the eyesight of th merman, will the merman reform back into flogan.
It will be then Shane leaves Bilby, and hooks up with one of his fathers business pals who will then cheat on him for Flogan, and leave Shane to myself.. In the meantime master, Bilby willl be all yours mwahahahahahahaahahahahahahah!!!"

Bilby appears blacked out on the ground. All of a sudden, shadows from the forest drag him away.
Deep in his head he dreamt. Dreamt of questions.
questions that asked... "who is the master?"
"how will i find Josh?"
"how can i fight Josh?"
but even more so "how can i get home?"
A telekinetic link was established.
A voice appeared in his head, responding to the questions
"all in good time will you find your answers"
Bilby, his mind in mor trivial questions.
"Is that his voice? is it who i think it is"
"haha yes bilby it is....

but your not going to find out who it is, until the next Issue

BilbyLife IV : Birth of the Ranga Ranger.

until next time, Cobb Out!!