Bilby V

"AND NOW BEHOLD" Screamed Josh into the night.
Suspense for Josh's next move leaved Bilby frozen scared.
But one thing called out to him, the voice he heard as the shadows of the forest took him away.
"Shane..."
That beautiful voice, the voice of his one true love.
His heart gave Bilby the courage to prevail, and to push forward past his fears.
Still aware of the great spell being brought forward, bilby took the chance to observe his surroundings and stragetise.
His new clothing and weapon gave him the agility. He felt wind in his veins, ready to lift him any direction he stirred it. His sword made the cemented walls around him feel like butter. he moved it out and just minutely scaping away a small scratch at the wall. And like butter it came off.
He looked for a week vantage point on Josh.
He was laughing hysterically, his lower body swelling up, as if he was calling forth something from his body.
His robes, long and so stereotypically like a disney wizards, rose as if there was a wind emmitting from the ground.
his eyebrows exagerated and long and pointed, like tommy lee jones's.
A crazy manic grin across his face, taunting bilby to depression.
In his eyes he saw the countless times he'd pleasured shane, in POV.

And now, josh's arse swelling up like a tidal wave, rose over his head and spitted out a black object.
"AND FROM THE HEANEY HINEY HOLE.... I CALL FORTH..."
Bilby sensed some recognition at the silhouette of the dark form below.
A Nemesy.
"JACOB".
The black gooey from rised up, and screamed with an anger and ferocity never experienced to Bilby.
It echoed the dark twisted surrealisms, sins and pleasures of humanity.
A godless essense as opposed to the the godfull essense of Bilby.
With this scream, if it wasn't for the brightness of Bilby's heart, the whole place would be in darkness.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGGHGHGH".
Josh's cheeks raised further than would be expected. His grin, although retarded and cartoony as it was, did nothing to make the situation seem less serious.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE JOSH!", the black gooish figure screamed.
"Oh what is it Kempy?", said Josh smiling back.
"Out of all places you can keep me... WHY YOUR ASS?", the black mass said, arms folded, tapping one foot impatiently.
"Oh baby it's because i like you up there, with your pointy sword scraping the edges i get happy. why else do i keep this stupid grin on my face?"

"whatever..." The black mass walked to the side.
"HAPEXEMANDOUS, ABARAT!"
The shit that caked him burst off, reformed into a giant pointy ball, and went flying back up josh's ass.
"oooh" said josh smiling even more.

What was left standing there was a shadow from Bilby's past.
A fellow film maker such as himself.
Jacob.
Before Bilby decided to gorge himself in the pleasures of the flesh, They both attended film school.
Jacob was the most awesomely awesome film maker in the awesomely awesome awesomeverse.
Bilby couldnt compete so he went to Shane at that point.

He produced many good films. "The Duke", a black comedy, rated R for extreme content but opened to rave reviews for lead roles Michael Cera and Seth Rogan, not to mention a progression from Robert Pattinson from being known as "gay douchey edward twilight boy who aint got shit on other vampires coz twilight sucks dick" guy to "lady killing royalty addicted to hallucinagenics and herion who has 2 bodyguards, a skimpy lesbian who weilds a giant gattling gun and a skinny little royal rat who likes to cut the main arterys that run near females genitals".
Followed by his acadamy award winning adaption of the anime "Hellsing". Featuring Sin City like visuals, Adrien Brody as Alucard, Kate Winslet as Integra and a newcomier unknown actress as Saras Victoria. Creating controversy through its insane questioning of religion and gratuitious violents and sadism coming from protagonists.
Religious Riots were insane after that, driving Jacob to his supposed death.
Rumor had it that he never died, and was taken by some cult who didn't kill him, but attempted to send him to hell through ritual where he belongs.
Hell not existing, they opened up a gate to somewhere else.
In that world, a time spand of 10 seconds in ours was 10 years, where learning to weild Anti matter and the fabric of the universe, not to mention inheriting in his genes the very stuff that creates evil intentions. He came back in 10 seconds, age and form altered by 10 years, and butchered those priests in ways that made hell seem real.

Now here he was, different from when bilby saw him last, yet the same.
He was clothed in dark heavy materials. Pants baggy and blake, a small chain running as a belt. Big black boots, the kind you expect to see crushing childrens skulls underfoot.
Black Trench coat also. One arm sleeve was taken off, showing an armored hand with symbols and incantations carved into the metal.
The trnechcoat being open, reavealing a white wifebeater. The name in itself evil.
I mean, of all clothing, wife beater is most certainly the most eivl and cruel of them all.
But he doesnt beat wives, he just wants an evil shirt. Not everyone can walk the walk right?
He can say "ooh look im in a wife beater" but he would never beat a wife.
His hair was long, black and layered. Huge spikes of hair in the air, with long bangs coming down the front.
He weilded a Red Bladed Dragonsword in his left hand. His right being the armored one.

Bilby then got to notice that his throught process made Jacob sound like a real bad ass.
As if it was written by someone no other than him, but Bilby knew that was a crock of shit.
Unless Jacob too was like a god and had the power to change fate and thought however he saw fit.
But thats stupid, i mean, i highly doubt Jacob has that kind of power.
He totally can't be writing any of this right now.

He looks over at the ready Bilby
"Bahahahaha hey look its Bilby. remember him Josh?"
Josh replies "haha yes i know. Through higher authorities i got him to dump on his boyfriend so i can sleep with him and so my masters further plans with Bilby can come into play."
Jacob says shocked, "wait...what?? has everyone gone gay since i been in your ass?"
Josh replies "Oh shut up Kempy, you do go on".
"o....k"

Bilby had enough of this.
The wind in his veins Lifted him full throttle at Josh, masumane lifted, ready to destroy.
As he went to hit, a red dragon sword blocked.
Josh screams " I AM SICK OF THIS MOTHERUFCKING RANGA IN MY MOTHERFUCKING DREAMWORLD"
Jacob sighs and says "Fuck off for a sec.. Okay Bilby, i dont see why it is necessary you attack Josh, we've all known eachother in the past.
But i will have to kill you
Because of that crappy fashion statement your making"
Bilby looks down at his clothing.
He did look pretty gay dressed as Sephiroth. I mean, imagine it.
Jacob knew in his mind only someone as gay as Josh would try fabricate Bilby into something like that.
"I dressed him like that so he looks cool and so we may have a formidable opponent. When i become an author... All my characters will be dressed as Sephiroth. " said Josh.

Bilby disliked the suspenseful build ups, and raised his sowrd to chop off Jacobs arm.
As he swung horizontally, Jacob ducked under it and power kicked Bilby against the wall.
His foot holding up Bilby's entire body, pinned up against the wall.
Bilby then decided to do something he hadnt done in a while
He reminisenses back to when he took the mermaid to his room, and his belly flop made a hole in the wall.
Bilby's belly comes out and strikes Jacob across the face. Jacob topples over, head first, but does a roll and comes up unscathed.
Jacob pulls out his Dragon Sword and raises it high. Bilby swings low, Jacob jumps up on the end of his epic blade and runs down it and full on boots Bilby in the head.
Bilby's head stricken back, it left his chest exposed. '
Bilby knew this was the end for him.
Jacobs Dragon Sword plunges straight down, right into Bilby's chest.
Bilby waited and waited, but he never felt the cold steel kiss his heart.
He looked down to see that the blade was melting over him. The crimson metallics flooding and engulfing his body.
He looked up to see Jacob griinning evily, and Josh laughing manically into the air.

Bilby fainted, he couldnt take it. He didnt want to know what would follow next.
Everything faded to darkness....

"hahaha, well you failed there didnt ya?"
darkness...
"didn't ya? oh look at me for christs sake"
illumination. In came the little fairy again.
" i didn't tell ya before, my name is Becca"
Bilby was there again. He was bearded and barbarian again. His claymore beside him. Wow, that sephiroth costume was really gay. He should buy one for next time he sees Shane.
Wait... What happened back there? how was he here in yet another sort of darkness?
"all will be answered, dont you worry."
She sat there, scratching her arm.
"Urgh, i've been itchy ever since you tried to kill me multiple times"
"sorry about that"
"whatever"
she stands up and walks around in circles.
"what you were just experiencing was a linked dream. Your mind, intentions towards enemies, and everything your after on your mission came to a crossroad, where your enemies could take another pathway.
Your not strong enough bilby.
You need followers, especially now that Josh has called forth his number 1 soldier."
Bilby, "but how do i defeat them? no convential means of combat seems to work"
"oh it will, you just have to make sure there dead"
Bilby stands up "Okay, I'll walk to Dormor, i shall deal with them there"
Becca looks up at him, and starts laughing spontaniously.
"Can one simply walk walk into Dormor?
I think not.
Like i said, you need followers."
Bilby, looks puzzled.
"But how do i find people?"
"you already have" Said Becca.
"You were carried away by shadows in the forest remember?
An old friend is waiting for you back in your physical body.
I could tell you what you need to know, but he'll know."
Becca sits back down, pulls out a gameboy and says
"now it's time for you to fuck off."
She snaps her fingers and Bilbys eyes open.

He is in the forest, looking up at the trees laying down.
A blurry form is above him.
He has trouble making out who it is.
The hair was too fuzzy.
wait...
fuzzy hair?
"helloooo Bilby."
It was Jason.
It was said he was chilling in Jacob's crib around the time the religious fanatics kidnapped him. One such unbelievable rumor was he obsessed himself in rituals after witnessing the ritual that changed Jacob in ten seconds.
He got stoned, and accidently fell into one of his one way portals he developed. He couldnt get out, welll.... he had the knowledge too, but considering hemp was legal in the newfound land he figured he'd stay.
Bilby then thought to himself about who the hell told him these crappy rumors.

"ahhh your awake" said Jason, smiling goofily.
"urgh, i need to get to Dormor..." said Bilby, slowly getting up.
"a helllo would be nice man", said Jason. '
"will you come with me?", asked Bilby.
"hmmm. Will i take a hairy red man to the Dormortrian Empire of Josh? Sounds like something Jacob would say...seriously..." replied Jason shaking his head.
"but yes. i will come."
Bilby was glad, he got his first companion.
"hmmm I'm hungry" says Jason.
A unicorn walks past and looks at Jason.
Within a split second, Jason had 2 Big ass guns out, and was shooting that Unicorn to fillets.
literally... they looked like cooked fillets.
Bilby was glad he had someone of that skill on his team.
Jason then said, "hmm i need some salad."
So he shoots the tree and it turns into a garden salad.
Bilby was amazed at this weapon.
"whats your weapon?", he asked.
"Dinner Blaster" Jason says as he stood up to collect the unicorn fillets with garden salad.
"hmm, i need some salad dressing.."
he shoots a bird in the sky. it falls down dead on the salad and dissolves into a honey mustard dressing.

The both sat there eating and catching up. Bilby explained the entire story.
Bilby thinks for a second, and asks Jason "I hear you know how to get back home.. can you take me after this ordeal?"
Jason replies "Yeah sure"
Bilby says, "The fairy Becca told me you could tell me something."
Jason replied "I'm aware of how Josh came to be so evil and in control of Jacob."
It's his entire history since after high school actually" said Jason. "And it goes...a little something, like this...."

Bilby 6: Josh fucks a goat, comes out soon, written by Josh Heaney.,
Where Josh will explain his characters background and origins, as well as introduce Bilby to another Ally, who will then begin there Jounrey to Dormor to combat Josh and go home to regain Shane.