yeah not doing the bilby stories shit anymore
josh can do it by himself
that is all
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Bilby 9 Part 1: When Doors Open.
There he was. Quite a silly characuture of what he could have been. Bilby gazes up into the stars, well...whatever he could see of the stars. The smoke of Dormor and Mount Ujif blocking most of the sky in it's fiery red. Lying on the grass, Claymore beside him, and the memories of insane yet cliched homosexual experiences, he can't help that ponder this is something only Quinten could have imagined.
They are saying the all powerful foe is Quinten...
He forgot who he had heard that from though.
But he couldn't have possibly survived, not after the scary monstrosity of the Graduation Ceremony. Sym's ritual gone wrong, people mysteriously dissapearing in the years that followed.
But Quinten's remains from the accident... They spelt out what appeared to be a threat towards Bilby... "I will kill Bilby with Shiv! HAHAHAHAHAA!"
Maybe it was more obvious then he thought. His life since that time, has just been a running joke. A joke invented by Quinten.
Whether or not Quinten had any power over his life since his death, it will be too silly to conclude on that.
He has become witness to many a great powers, but none to change how drastically his life had changed.
He can only follow through, hope those around him can achieve there goal as well as AID Bilby.
But then again they have no real goals, or none they've discussed with Bilby...
Then why were they here with him.
Syms electronic eye has been tuned into Bilby's thoughts for some time. He read what Bilby pondered, and was thinking of whether or not to provide him with some information.
He decided to tell him, he needed to know afterall.
Sym was approaching.
"Oh hey Sym..." said Bilby.
Sym sat beside bilby, "You know... All the positive and negative energy in the world is an actual energy... In our world before, we lacked the open door to allow these energies to flow through. The bigger the door opened in us, the more we can allow to be channelled through.
It was said, at an event you and me are well too familiar with, that a door was opened within someone by accident. The door was so huge it physically appeared, and was too big to the point the body exploded, and all the positive and negative energy of this individual roamed our world.
This person was particularly creative and imaginative, which means there is usually more unbelievable energy in these people.
His positive energy opened doors for many, and made the fabric between worlds that allow these energies to be channeled through there laws of reality, and our world, a world that doesnt, to become thinner.
When a thought is made through opened channeling, in the event of the flow of energy, that thought will manifest itself the best way it can. Say a joke, someones life, with enough energy, can be altered and transformed into a living joke.
And the granters purpose may also be altered.
I think i've given you enough to make the connection.
Be careful bilby, and always stay open minded incase the time need be."
Bilby realised what he meant, Sym could obviously read minds. "You know, it's true. You really do know too much"
Sym smiled, but that soon faded. "Not enough to know the consequences of what i was doing that day."
Bilby yawned.
"I'll let you sleep then." Sym said, he stood up.
"I'm glad i have seen some of you guys again. Since i've been here, i've been lonely...besides Ganesh." Sym turned away "...and i really do miss Grace."
Bilby looked up. "She never quite got over your dissapearance. None of us did. She removed herself away from us though."
Sym's face turned to a frown. "Oh.."
But Bilby smiled in reassurance, "it's nothing to worry about. She focused on her study and went from wanting to do nursing to becoming one of the greater minds in humanity. She is a pioneer in the field of Quantum Physics, discovering and proving more than anyone else has."
"Of course she would..." Sym said, still distraught. "She's only trying to make sense of what happened that day."
He walked off.
Bilby muttered under his breath, "hmm, alot more were trying to aswell."
Sym went towards the fire in there encampment they made up. Jason and Steve were already asleep, exhausted from there encounter with the undead ghouls. Sym laid down right by the fire. As he drifted to sleep, the memories that taunted him so returned to him.
Not seeing some of his friends for so long, for 4 years, he would have thought he would haave been happy, but it only brought back the painful memories. As he drifted into a sleep, he saw Ganesh's face, and the times that lead them to everyones sorrows.
The Year was 2009. It wasn't a month away from graduation, and they had to work fast to complete what they started.
There were books piled up on top of each-other, of all different varieties, and there sat Sym and Ganash amidst them.
"Can we stop for today Sym? I'm getting a headache", Ganesh said, wiping his sorehead, throbbing from too much information.
Overdramatic, obsessed, and Angry, Sym stood up. "Do you understand our work? our task Ganesh?" He stormed around the room, tearing off posters and throwing books towards Ganesh as he went. "We as humans think we believe all there is to life. Science thinks it knows all the answers" Ganesh, blocking himself from the oncoming books, was attentive, but scared. He knew what Sym was like when he got like this.
"We have spent the last year studying all science, english, maths and our society has to tell us of the world. And we've taken in every damn word, become top of our classes." Sym just stood there now, breathing heavily.
"We know it all, studied beyond what we needed to study, gone t an intellect of huge proportions. Spending all these years learning all about the human race and how we think and what we think." He then started to walk, his arm movements as aggressive as his posture, spelling out every syllable Sym spoke, interpreting it in its own little arm language. "We are English Extrordinaires, We are Sorcerers of Science, We are the Mightiest of Mathematicians and everything else." He then picked up a book and ran towards Ganesh with it, Ganesh recoiled in fright until he realized Sym was to throw it beyond him and into the trash. "Nothing makes sense still, there is one thing we never looked into and thats the occult. Worlds beyond this world."
Sym smiled ectastic of his brilliance. "Only in a world so different from our own will we truely know what our world is."
Ganesh, having taken in all Sym said, had to inquire "But why read all this stuff when we can go straight to the occult readings?"
Sym shook his head in disappointment. "Because, idiot, we need our minds opened. How do you expect us to be able to access what we need unless we have a deep understanding of that part of the human mind none of us have ever properly understood?", He went over and picked up a book, held up its cover to the light to reveal it was "Tales: A collection of the works of Edgar Allan Poe". "We need to dwell in the dark banks of the unstable human imagination, peer into horrors and what language it speaks. We need Edgar Allan Poe to take us there with his works, to let us reach that void." He goes and picks up a copy of "120 days in Sodom". "With this we peak into how cruel humanity is, with this literary work we see how animalistic and sick and twisted we can be to each other as a human race. We reach this void and we achieve yet another corner of the human mind."
Again, another book is picked up, :"The hobbit" by J.R.R Tolkien. "The positive energies of adventure, the thrill of life, the niceties we love, the fictional journey everyone secretly wants to have. Our friends around us wherever we are, whatever dangers we face. That thrill and emotion will let us reach yet another void we fully need to comprehend." FInally approaching the final book, he dusts off the cover and holds it up. "Twilight".
Ganesh stares at Sym as if he's a fucking idiot.
"What?.." said Sym, still holding the book up triumphantly.
"I'm guessing melodramatic romance... and you couldn't find another book. We need to understand the concept of love and a want for love. am i right?"
"Precisely..." Said Sym smiling.
"And with these 4 corners of human emotion, when we truely understand, feel, and comprehend in a deeply meditative, fundamentalist, philosophical manner, we open our minds and thus our channeling doors. But to be able to open up a gate to a new world...it involves reading twilight?" Ganesh asked, half laughing.
Sym, getting frustrated, slams the book down, which consequently lands on a cat, that then hisses, pisses on the book, shits on it, violates it, and then carries it off to further do this elsewhere per its unlimited hate for the book, Sym then looks up and says to Ganesh.
"well your wrong. 4 corners makes us assume that whats in our head is 2 dimensional, when the minds a hell of a lot more complex then that. Because we cant comprehend it, the both of us, yet.. we can only assume its 4 dimensional. There are double standards, different outlooks, our reactions and understandings in different mind sets, our thinking skills in certain situations, flight or fight decisions, adrenaline, sedation, and so on. It all conflicts on how we feel, how the mind reacts. We have to remember the mind itself is a never ending void of voids. That makes it impossible t understand. But with that very knowledge that we must keep in our heads, that in the deep dark holes of our mind where we can no longer reach, we have to clear the path, get rid of the rocks its road. So that the path is open, the door is open, so we can put our fist in and pull out what we may find there.
Everything in this universe has existed since the big bang. We have all the same energies in us from all that time. Our matter has existed since then. Forms just keep changing and shaping.
We all came from that compacted point of explosion. Which means at one stage we were all one. One with everything, one with the world, and one with the fabric that separated worlds. Being the same energy, same matter, since that time, just in a different form, we are essentially still part of it. Constantly being up against the fabric of other worlds, we need our minds to reach into that dark place, and tear a hole. Being in our mind, with that big gaping hole taking us to a world of unlimited possibilities, where we can reach through that world, tear a whole back into ours, reach in and pull out whatever we want. We can pull ourselves into places just by reaching, we can tear others. Hell, We can even tear into the minds of others, put any bullshit we want in there and have them changed forever.
That's where it can take us Ganesh".
Ganesh looks astounded. "Sym..I...I'm with you on this. We will get there together."
"Good", said Sym smiling. "Now go find us another romance book. fuck!"
Sym woke up. He was back at the encampment. Jason and Steve were already awake and doing there own thing. Jason had found a hemp plant not too far away, and was giggling at the scene Steve provided.
Steve had gotten himself into a fight with a bear. Hands on, Steve was pummeling the shit out of it. Literally, The big white rock behind him had the excreted spray of the results of Steven's punches to the bowels all over it.
Sym looked over and saw Bilby. He sat there, looking down at his Claymore. Obviously lost in the ponderings of his mind. All of a sudden His Claymore started to split off into 2. From the depths off his mind he had reached a point of entering "Everything and All". A gun, much like a pistol, although the barrel made it as long as his claymore. The holder was like a usual pistol holder, but the barrel and everything else seemed huge in proportions. Bilby heaved it up and it was surprisingly light.
He shot off into the distance. A massive bullet, almost like that of a missile, came out the barrel.. But surprisingly, there seemed to be no recoil.
Sym smiled. Bilby had fully grasped "Everything and All".
But for now, initiative had to be taken.
"People, gather around." Yelled Sym. Steven dropped the bear and walked over. Jason, noticing Steve had walked off, looked over in his out there state, stumbled up and wandered over.
"dude...He totally made that bear shit". giggled Jason. He then started laughing uncontrollably.
Bilby looked up at Sym, rose up his weapons as they melted into leather gloves around his hands. Sym was further impressed, Bilby was able to manipulate the energies around him in such complex ways at such a rookie level of understanding.
But then again, people were born for this stuff. The art in peoples hearts gives them such an outlook on life that makes them quickly adapt to the ways of "Everything and All".
Bilby had made his way over.
Sym stood up on higher ground to everyone else.
"We will never quench the undead as of yet."
"I beg to differ." Bilby interrupted. "I was thinking on what you told me, and i've learning some of my capabilities."
Sym sighed. "You do realise, that by manipulating energies, you exhaust yourself. And then when your exhaust controls are down, You put part of yourself in that fishing hole, and what comes out is almost impossible to change. Just look at me for instance."
Sym's robotics were screeching and clanking in the silence that followed.
"Now, i didn't say we weren't going to kill them, i just said we will never do it as of yet, we wouldn't stand a chance."
"Then what the fuck do we do?", said Steven, wiping the bear shit off his hands.
"We go to the top of Mount Ujif. We get them to follow from a distance.
One up at the top, we will have many clear shots from our long distance weapons. From afar we give it all we got, we rest, and we continue. Once they get too close, we rely on our melee, we fight back to back. Once the majority are eliminated, and we have cleared ourselves a gateway,, we get into that castle ASAP.
So we can reclaim Ganesh.
And so we can destroy Heaney."
Bilby smiled. "And i'll be able to regain my lover..."
Jason's face tensed up "faggot..."
"fuck you Jason." said Bilby, "You know you've become an immature retard of recent. You were so wise and awesome, and you used to weild dinner blasters... what the fuck happened to you?"
Jason giggled, "Well you see, Josh decided to write against current continuity. So now my characters completely fuck."
Bilby shook his head. "And since when could Steve cut through dimensions?"
"Since Josh made it so... You know... This world is ruled by him. He would have tapped into the energies here, and learnt to weild them most powerful. He probably is just altering the two of us because he can get to us more than he can to you. And i mean, come on... Sym came along at the most cliched moment... Of course he had his hands in that. I mean, i don't even talk to Sym." Bilby looked puzzled.
"Then why the hell have you two been surviving and gaining better equipment and funny and more awesome character personality?"
Sym, pissed off, screams "SHUT UP!"
"Now lets get to the gate, piss off the fucking zombies. and make our way up the fucking mountain! fucking amatuars..."
Meanwhile, on top of Mount Ujif.
"Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa" Josh said, in the depths of his mind. "I shall now make Jason shit himself."
This, my avid readers, is the last we will here of the bilby chronicles from Dante Lovecraft.
whether or not the thing that shall not be may continue, is upto him.
I decided, with the time away from Bilby chronicles, i can create something productive.
And hopefully by a few months time, we may have something for you on a greater scale than what this is.
Thankyou for reading.
Wait a sec... if he werent to continue, then what to do about this loose ending?
talk to me, whoever you are, and if u want to finish it, then finish it and add on.
have fun, do whatever
although i may recolate the bilby chronicles to a different blog.
They are saying the all powerful foe is Quinten...
He forgot who he had heard that from though.
But he couldn't have possibly survived, not after the scary monstrosity of the Graduation Ceremony. Sym's ritual gone wrong, people mysteriously dissapearing in the years that followed.
But Quinten's remains from the accident... They spelt out what appeared to be a threat towards Bilby... "I will kill Bilby with Shiv! HAHAHAHAHAA!"
Maybe it was more obvious then he thought. His life since that time, has just been a running joke. A joke invented by Quinten.
Whether or not Quinten had any power over his life since his death, it will be too silly to conclude on that.
He has become witness to many a great powers, but none to change how drastically his life had changed.
He can only follow through, hope those around him can achieve there goal as well as AID Bilby.
But then again they have no real goals, or none they've discussed with Bilby...
Then why were they here with him.
Syms electronic eye has been tuned into Bilby's thoughts for some time. He read what Bilby pondered, and was thinking of whether or not to provide him with some information.
He decided to tell him, he needed to know afterall.
Sym was approaching.
"Oh hey Sym..." said Bilby.
Sym sat beside bilby, "You know... All the positive and negative energy in the world is an actual energy... In our world before, we lacked the open door to allow these energies to flow through. The bigger the door opened in us, the more we can allow to be channelled through.
It was said, at an event you and me are well too familiar with, that a door was opened within someone by accident. The door was so huge it physically appeared, and was too big to the point the body exploded, and all the positive and negative energy of this individual roamed our world.
This person was particularly creative and imaginative, which means there is usually more unbelievable energy in these people.
His positive energy opened doors for many, and made the fabric between worlds that allow these energies to be channeled through there laws of reality, and our world, a world that doesnt, to become thinner.
When a thought is made through opened channeling, in the event of the flow of energy, that thought will manifest itself the best way it can. Say a joke, someones life, with enough energy, can be altered and transformed into a living joke.
And the granters purpose may also be altered.
I think i've given you enough to make the connection.
Be careful bilby, and always stay open minded incase the time need be."
Bilby realised what he meant, Sym could obviously read minds. "You know, it's true. You really do know too much"
Sym smiled, but that soon faded. "Not enough to know the consequences of what i was doing that day."
Bilby yawned.
"I'll let you sleep then." Sym said, he stood up.
"I'm glad i have seen some of you guys again. Since i've been here, i've been lonely...besides Ganesh." Sym turned away "...and i really do miss Grace."
Bilby looked up. "She never quite got over your dissapearance. None of us did. She removed herself away from us though."
Sym's face turned to a frown. "Oh.."
But Bilby smiled in reassurance, "it's nothing to worry about. She focused on her study and went from wanting to do nursing to becoming one of the greater minds in humanity. She is a pioneer in the field of Quantum Physics, discovering and proving more than anyone else has."
"Of course she would..." Sym said, still distraught. "She's only trying to make sense of what happened that day."
He walked off.
Bilby muttered under his breath, "hmm, alot more were trying to aswell."
Sym went towards the fire in there encampment they made up. Jason and Steve were already asleep, exhausted from there encounter with the undead ghouls. Sym laid down right by the fire. As he drifted to sleep, the memories that taunted him so returned to him.
Not seeing some of his friends for so long, for 4 years, he would have thought he would haave been happy, but it only brought back the painful memories. As he drifted into a sleep, he saw Ganesh's face, and the times that lead them to everyones sorrows.
The Year was 2009. It wasn't a month away from graduation, and they had to work fast to complete what they started.
There were books piled up on top of each-other, of all different varieties, and there sat Sym and Ganash amidst them.
"Can we stop for today Sym? I'm getting a headache", Ganesh said, wiping his sorehead, throbbing from too much information.
Overdramatic, obsessed, and Angry, Sym stood up. "Do you understand our work? our task Ganesh?" He stormed around the room, tearing off posters and throwing books towards Ganesh as he went. "We as humans think we believe all there is to life. Science thinks it knows all the answers" Ganesh, blocking himself from the oncoming books, was attentive, but scared. He knew what Sym was like when he got like this.
"We have spent the last year studying all science, english, maths and our society has to tell us of the world. And we've taken in every damn word, become top of our classes." Sym just stood there now, breathing heavily.
"We know it all, studied beyond what we needed to study, gone t an intellect of huge proportions. Spending all these years learning all about the human race and how we think and what we think." He then started to walk, his arm movements as aggressive as his posture, spelling out every syllable Sym spoke, interpreting it in its own little arm language. "We are English Extrordinaires, We are Sorcerers of Science, We are the Mightiest of Mathematicians and everything else." He then picked up a book and ran towards Ganesh with it, Ganesh recoiled in fright until he realized Sym was to throw it beyond him and into the trash. "Nothing makes sense still, there is one thing we never looked into and thats the occult. Worlds beyond this world."
Sym smiled ectastic of his brilliance. "Only in a world so different from our own will we truely know what our world is."
Ganesh, having taken in all Sym said, had to inquire "But why read all this stuff when we can go straight to the occult readings?"
Sym shook his head in disappointment. "Because, idiot, we need our minds opened. How do you expect us to be able to access what we need unless we have a deep understanding of that part of the human mind none of us have ever properly understood?", He went over and picked up a book, held up its cover to the light to reveal it was "Tales: A collection of the works of Edgar Allan Poe". "We need to dwell in the dark banks of the unstable human imagination, peer into horrors and what language it speaks. We need Edgar Allan Poe to take us there with his works, to let us reach that void." He goes and picks up a copy of "120 days in Sodom". "With this we peak into how cruel humanity is, with this literary work we see how animalistic and sick and twisted we can be to each other as a human race. We reach this void and we achieve yet another corner of the human mind."
Again, another book is picked up, :"The hobbit" by J.R.R Tolkien. "The positive energies of adventure, the thrill of life, the niceties we love, the fictional journey everyone secretly wants to have. Our friends around us wherever we are, whatever dangers we face. That thrill and emotion will let us reach yet another void we fully need to comprehend." FInally approaching the final book, he dusts off the cover and holds it up. "Twilight".
Ganesh stares at Sym as if he's a fucking idiot.
"What?.." said Sym, still holding the book up triumphantly.
"I'm guessing melodramatic romance... and you couldn't find another book. We need to understand the concept of love and a want for love. am i right?"
"Precisely..." Said Sym smiling.
"And with these 4 corners of human emotion, when we truely understand, feel, and comprehend in a deeply meditative, fundamentalist, philosophical manner, we open our minds and thus our channeling doors. But to be able to open up a gate to a new world...it involves reading twilight?" Ganesh asked, half laughing.
Sym, getting frustrated, slams the book down, which consequently lands on a cat, that then hisses, pisses on the book, shits on it, violates it, and then carries it off to further do this elsewhere per its unlimited hate for the book, Sym then looks up and says to Ganesh.
"well your wrong. 4 corners makes us assume that whats in our head is 2 dimensional, when the minds a hell of a lot more complex then that. Because we cant comprehend it, the both of us, yet.. we can only assume its 4 dimensional. There are double standards, different outlooks, our reactions and understandings in different mind sets, our thinking skills in certain situations, flight or fight decisions, adrenaline, sedation, and so on. It all conflicts on how we feel, how the mind reacts. We have to remember the mind itself is a never ending void of voids. That makes it impossible t understand. But with that very knowledge that we must keep in our heads, that in the deep dark holes of our mind where we can no longer reach, we have to clear the path, get rid of the rocks its road. So that the path is open, the door is open, so we can put our fist in and pull out what we may find there.
Everything in this universe has existed since the big bang. We have all the same energies in us from all that time. Our matter has existed since then. Forms just keep changing and shaping.
We all came from that compacted point of explosion. Which means at one stage we were all one. One with everything, one with the world, and one with the fabric that separated worlds. Being the same energy, same matter, since that time, just in a different form, we are essentially still part of it. Constantly being up against the fabric of other worlds, we need our minds to reach into that dark place, and tear a hole. Being in our mind, with that big gaping hole taking us to a world of unlimited possibilities, where we can reach through that world, tear a whole back into ours, reach in and pull out whatever we want. We can pull ourselves into places just by reaching, we can tear others. Hell, We can even tear into the minds of others, put any bullshit we want in there and have them changed forever.
That's where it can take us Ganesh".
Ganesh looks astounded. "Sym..I...I'm with you on this. We will get there together."
"Good", said Sym smiling. "Now go find us another romance book. fuck!"
Sym woke up. He was back at the encampment. Jason and Steve were already awake and doing there own thing. Jason had found a hemp plant not too far away, and was giggling at the scene Steve provided.
Steve had gotten himself into a fight with a bear. Hands on, Steve was pummeling the shit out of it. Literally, The big white rock behind him had the excreted spray of the results of Steven's punches to the bowels all over it.
Sym looked over and saw Bilby. He sat there, looking down at his Claymore. Obviously lost in the ponderings of his mind. All of a sudden His Claymore started to split off into 2. From the depths off his mind he had reached a point of entering "Everything and All". A gun, much like a pistol, although the barrel made it as long as his claymore. The holder was like a usual pistol holder, but the barrel and everything else seemed huge in proportions. Bilby heaved it up and it was surprisingly light.
He shot off into the distance. A massive bullet, almost like that of a missile, came out the barrel.. But surprisingly, there seemed to be no recoil.
Sym smiled. Bilby had fully grasped "Everything and All".
But for now, initiative had to be taken.
"People, gather around." Yelled Sym. Steven dropped the bear and walked over. Jason, noticing Steve had walked off, looked over in his out there state, stumbled up and wandered over.
"dude...He totally made that bear shit". giggled Jason. He then started laughing uncontrollably.
Bilby looked up at Sym, rose up his weapons as they melted into leather gloves around his hands. Sym was further impressed, Bilby was able to manipulate the energies around him in such complex ways at such a rookie level of understanding.
But then again, people were born for this stuff. The art in peoples hearts gives them such an outlook on life that makes them quickly adapt to the ways of "Everything and All".
Bilby had made his way over.
Sym stood up on higher ground to everyone else.
"We will never quench the undead as of yet."
"I beg to differ." Bilby interrupted. "I was thinking on what you told me, and i've learning some of my capabilities."
Sym sighed. "You do realise, that by manipulating energies, you exhaust yourself. And then when your exhaust controls are down, You put part of yourself in that fishing hole, and what comes out is almost impossible to change. Just look at me for instance."
Sym's robotics were screeching and clanking in the silence that followed.
"Now, i didn't say we weren't going to kill them, i just said we will never do it as of yet, we wouldn't stand a chance."
"Then what the fuck do we do?", said Steven, wiping the bear shit off his hands.
"We go to the top of Mount Ujif. We get them to follow from a distance.
One up at the top, we will have many clear shots from our long distance weapons. From afar we give it all we got, we rest, and we continue. Once they get too close, we rely on our melee, we fight back to back. Once the majority are eliminated, and we have cleared ourselves a gateway,, we get into that castle ASAP.
So we can reclaim Ganesh.
And so we can destroy Heaney."
Bilby smiled. "And i'll be able to regain my lover..."
Jason's face tensed up "faggot..."
"fuck you Jason." said Bilby, "You know you've become an immature retard of recent. You were so wise and awesome, and you used to weild dinner blasters... what the fuck happened to you?"
Jason giggled, "Well you see, Josh decided to write against current continuity. So now my characters completely fuck."
Bilby shook his head. "And since when could Steve cut through dimensions?"
"Since Josh made it so... You know... This world is ruled by him. He would have tapped into the energies here, and learnt to weild them most powerful. He probably is just altering the two of us because he can get to us more than he can to you. And i mean, come on... Sym came along at the most cliched moment... Of course he had his hands in that. I mean, i don't even talk to Sym." Bilby looked puzzled.
"Then why the hell have you two been surviving and gaining better equipment and funny and more awesome character personality?"
Sym, pissed off, screams "SHUT UP!"
"Now lets get to the gate, piss off the fucking zombies. and make our way up the fucking mountain! fucking amatuars..."
Meanwhile, on top of Mount Ujif.
"Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaa" Josh said, in the depths of his mind. "I shall now make Jason shit himself."
This, my avid readers, is the last we will here of the bilby chronicles from Dante Lovecraft.
whether or not the thing that shall not be may continue, is upto him.
I decided, with the time away from Bilby chronicles, i can create something productive.
And hopefully by a few months time, we may have something for you on a greater scale than what this is.
Thankyou for reading.
Wait a sec... if he werent to continue, then what to do about this loose ending?
talk to me, whoever you are, and if u want to finish it, then finish it and add on.
have fun, do whatever
although i may recolate the bilby chronicles to a different blog.
The Meaning Of All
And BANG! awakened into a life of nothing and all. But is nothing a reality when there is all?
Is nothing ever nothing if there is something elsewhere?
Negatives and Positives swell, but nothing is ever a neutral dead-lands.
We are born to love, we are born to hate. We are born to touch, we are born to rape.
We are born to care, we are born to fuck.
We are born to be both. A perfect specimen of equal energy proportions.
What does that make for all around us?
We are blind to it.
Blind to a reality we wish not to see.
Evolution has given us the perfect blindness, making us see things are if we can comprehend what they are.
Because in our life, We will never full comprehend what all is. And although we strive to find whatever it may be to let us understand, in our own human perspective, we will never find it.
But isn't that perfect...
Living our whole lives, identifying all we see.
Just letting our energies crash on the shores of others. Tidal waves swirling positives and negatives.
Getting wet with the intentions of another human being, there sweat through your physical bonding dropping down and radiating off your being.
Some strive for an easy answer.
Some strive for God. Literally, a big man, watching down on all.
Besides pure absurdity, many find comfort in these words. Positive energy reinforced and kept safe.
But whilst the negative energies swell in the prejudism, power and greed.
God is a manifestation of a imperfect human being. A close minded red neck who wishes for control. On his porch, shotgun in hand, he is violent and peaceful in certain situations. Although a fag basher, a racist, and a sexist, he still does strive for the comfort of his people.
We look upto our negative human fabrication, looking at it like its a perfect being. We essentially find that hope in something that sounds so human.
Because God is human.
There is no higher being. The creation of our life isn't even comprehendible by our dialect.
We view the world in our own perspective, we see things how we want to see things.
We are God. Not the creators of everything, but the creators of what meanings we give to the things around us.
We in our own mind may be advanced. But we are so off the track from progression.
We have headed too far into an alternative direction. We defy life, and in-fact have given a new synthetic meaning to it.
Beyond us, who knows what mental and spiritual qualities may be out there.
our world of matter, laws of reality, spiritual energy, mental ability may be a peice of sand on an entire beach of what life truely is. And that beach may be a part of a country, that is a part of a world, that is part of a galaxy, that is part of a universe, that is part of a grain of sand.
Is nothing ever nothing if there is something elsewhere?
Negatives and Positives swell, but nothing is ever a neutral dead-lands.
We are born to love, we are born to hate. We are born to touch, we are born to rape.
We are born to care, we are born to fuck.
We are born to be both. A perfect specimen of equal energy proportions.
What does that make for all around us?
We are blind to it.
Blind to a reality we wish not to see.
Evolution has given us the perfect blindness, making us see things are if we can comprehend what they are.
Because in our life, We will never full comprehend what all is. And although we strive to find whatever it may be to let us understand, in our own human perspective, we will never find it.
But isn't that perfect...
Living our whole lives, identifying all we see.
Just letting our energies crash on the shores of others. Tidal waves swirling positives and negatives.
Getting wet with the intentions of another human being, there sweat through your physical bonding dropping down and radiating off your being.
Some strive for an easy answer.
Some strive for God. Literally, a big man, watching down on all.
Besides pure absurdity, many find comfort in these words. Positive energy reinforced and kept safe.
But whilst the negative energies swell in the prejudism, power and greed.
God is a manifestation of a imperfect human being. A close minded red neck who wishes for control. On his porch, shotgun in hand, he is violent and peaceful in certain situations. Although a fag basher, a racist, and a sexist, he still does strive for the comfort of his people.
We look upto our negative human fabrication, looking at it like its a perfect being. We essentially find that hope in something that sounds so human.
Because God is human.
There is no higher being. The creation of our life isn't even comprehendible by our dialect.
We view the world in our own perspective, we see things how we want to see things.
We are God. Not the creators of everything, but the creators of what meanings we give to the things around us.
We in our own mind may be advanced. But we are so off the track from progression.
We have headed too far into an alternative direction. We defy life, and in-fact have given a new synthetic meaning to it.
Beyond us, who knows what mental and spiritual qualities may be out there.
our world of matter, laws of reality, spiritual energy, mental ability may be a peice of sand on an entire beach of what life truely is. And that beach may be a part of a country, that is a part of a world, that is part of a galaxy, that is part of a universe, that is part of a grain of sand.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
bilby 8
josh was pissed. that mother fucker jacob had stabbed him in the back. he had given jacob power, strength, and a night with christina scabia. and what did jacob do? steal his girlfriend and leave him with flogan. josh was out for blood. there was no two ways about it. someone was gonna die.
jacob sat there waiting on top of mount ujif. he knew josh would come. he knew that he would come for becca, who was now screaming at him from her cage. josh had not made good on his promises. jacob had wanted the world. perhaps, he thought to himself, he had been a bit greedy. maybe. oh well, he thought. we'll sort this out sooner or later.
bilby was walking with jason and steven. they were heading to Dormor. in the distance, smoke rose from a great number of fires, burning black against the sky. theyw ere getting close. bilby was nervous about his company though. jason was flying higher than a kite, and steven....... well, steven could still remember when bilby had been drug fucked and violated him. bilby glanced over at steven. he was twitching, and he kept talking to himself. hmmm, thought bilby, better send him in first when we get to dormor..... dont want him in a close proximity to me when he starts to kill. jason exhaled a cloud of nice smelling smoke. "dude, i so cant believe that quentin appears to be behind it all. i bet all the readers out there cant believe it either." steven turned around. "dude, most of them dont know who quentin is. more importantly, what readers? its not like were some web comic or something that a pair of bored, fucked up kids invented to make their friends laugh" jason laughed whilst coughing up weed leaves. "bad mix, man. i like totaly inhaled half the fucking plant man, not just the leaves." steven slapped him "dammit jason, start explaining your knowledge of the fourth wall!" jason stumbled about. "hehe, he said fourth wall. sounds like he said...... um...... more whore??? sort fall??? darth maul??? dude, i dont even know what im hearing anymore" steven screamed, pulled out a battle axe and cut through the air into a world of smiling bouncy rabbits. then, in his rage, he proceeded to butcher all the happy bunnies. bilby stared in shock, and jason lay down on the ground laughing quietly to himself. after the massacre, steve stepped back out and the portal closed behind him. "there, that feels better" steven said, obviously feeling a lot calmer now. they continued walking on.
josh appeared on the top of mount ujif. he stepped out of a haze of smoke and looked around. there was no sign of jacob anywhere. but becca was there, in her smushed form in a little cage. quickly josh repaired her body with magic, and she stepped out of her cage in all her fairy glory. "bout fucking time" she said. suddenly, a loud roar sounded from behind josh. he spun around just in time to see jacobs sword sever his arm off. "FUCKING COCK SUCKER!" josh screamed. he knelt to the floor, stemming the blood flow with his hand. jacob stood over him, and tossed his severed arm over the mountain side. josh turned to becca. "WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY DIDNT YOU FUCKING TELL ME HE WAS BEHIND ME???" becca smiled and took a swig from her jim beam. "cause, you didnt get a chance to fuck me properly. i wanted you bad man, but jacob came in and you didnt get to do me." josh stood up. "AND HOW THE FUCK IS THAT MY FUCKING FAULT??? BLAME JACOB IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING START POINTING FINGERS!" becca sighed heavily. "fine, fine, sorry babe, i shouldnt have let your arm get cut off" she smiled. "although it was fucking funny. and all that blood makes me feel like im about to come." josh stared in exasperation at her. he turned away to face jacob. "crazy fucking fairy's...." he muttered to himself. jacob hoisted his sword. "so, you think you can take me with only one arm josh?" josh smiled, and used his magic to instantly re grow his severed limb. "just remember who gave you your power jacob. i can take it back just as easily as i gave it to you." jacob lunged at josh, but josh summoned a pair of large snakes, and they bit jacobs ankles, pinning him to the ground. then josh fired a bolt if lightning in the form of a power thrust, and it fried right through jacobs sword arm. "an eye for an eye" josh smiled. jacob used his other arm to snap the snakes necks, and grabbed his arm, holding it to the severed stump, and his flesh began to twist and rejoin to itself. soon, his arm was re-attached. he swung his sword in a circle slowly, and locked eyes with josh. "dont think that it'l be that easy." becca giggled. "man, all this violence is making me so wet right now"
bilby, steven and jason walked onto a barren, blackened field, and saw ahead of them the gates of dormor. they advanced across the field, drawing closer. "shane, im almost here" bilby said. "i can almost feel your moist lips against my cock right now." steven punched him in the arm. "man, that is so gay." jason chuckled. "We are oft to blame in this. 'Tis too much proved that with devotion's visage and pious action we do sugar o'er the devil himself". bilby and steven looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces. "whatever man, you guys are living in the past" jason grumbled. in the distance, the gates of Dormor began to part. bilby quickened up his pace. "yes, the gates are opening. one CAN simply walk into dormor!" but bilby soon found the smile falling off his face. from the gates, a great plague of mishapen creatures spilled out and came running towards them. the creatures looked like they were made up of parts from different corpses, and no creature had the right number of limbs or features. they smelled of rotting flesh, and the stitches that bound their limbs together flied around in the air with a mind of their own, almost as if they wanted to pierce the still living flesh of their adversaries. "to battle!" cried bilby. bilby then entered his bezerker state of mind, and charged into the horde of undead screaming wildly and swinging his claymore as if it was made of paper. jason exhaled a cloud of nice smelling white smoke, which caused the creatures hit by it to turn around and start tearing apart their brethren. jason then pulled out a long spear and began impaling 3 undead at a time with each stab. steven swung his axe at the ground, and severed right through to a dimension inside an active volcanoe. many of the creatures, not having well-functioning eyes, simply dropped into the portal, and sizzled to a fiery death. those that made it over the chasm were quickly decapitated by stevens ax swings. bilby charged through the horde, whirling his claymore so fast it was a blur. stinging stitches pierced his flesh many times, but he fought on regardless, shredding all that got near him. mr bilby was this close to regaining his lost love. no amount of badly sewn dead bodies would stop his primal urges of lust and anger now.
josh and jacob continued their battle. jacob ducked and weaved with his superior sword work, and more often than not, managed to draw blood from josh. but josh's magic healed him almost instantly. josh fired many powerful spells in quick succesion, blasting apart the battle field, and blackening the sky with dispelt energy. but jacobs agility enabled him to avoid the worst of the attacks, and any injuries he sustained were healed by his enhanced body. eventually, jacob fired a beam of anti matter from his metal plated hand, wich collided with a black blast of fire that josh had fired, and cause a massive explosion. when the dust cleared, josh was standing still, and in his hands he held a piece of paper. jacob's eyes widened. "oh no" josh grinned. "oh yes. its your contract to me." jacob felt his limbs suddenly gain a lot of weight, and he was forced into a kneeling position with his head on the ground in front of josh's feet. josh paced back and forth. "look, theres no sense in us continuing this fight. you cant beat me, and i cant beat you. so, if i put away the contract and let you stand up, you gonna behave???" jacob sighed and gritted his teeth. "i guess i dont have much choice." josh made the contract disapear, and jacob was able to stand up again. "now" said josh, "you want to kill me because you didnt get everything you asked for. thats understandable. but you gotta understand that it wasnt my doing, it was quentins" "thats right" piped in becca. "he blackmailed josh into serving him, and then he forced josh to sign you on as a powerful warrior. he knew that you would be strong enough to beat bilby in a battle, but he wasnt prepared to give you too much lest you didnt want to fight bilby" josh sighed. "thanks for ruining my story for me" becca giggled "your welcome babe"
the battle raged on, and it wasnt faring well for bilby and co. bilby had lost a lot of blood from his multiple wounds, and he was begining to feel weak. jason had nearly run out of weed, and his speech was becoming noticeably less tripped out. steven was tiring from swinging his massive axe around all day. and the corpse soldiers kept coming. there seemed to be never ending numbers of them, and those that were still around from the first wave were gradually sewing back together their fallen comrades. "retreat guys, we cant beat them!" bilby screamed. "fuckin ay" replied steven, and jason gave a weak giggle. the tried to cleave their way back through to the edge of the plain, but the horde was too thick, the bodies too high. "were finished" moaned steven. "and i never got to profess my undying love for lady gaga!" "dude, your not in love with lady gaga" jason yeled out. "i know, but i would have liked to love a hermaphrodite!" replied steven. the throng of dead pressed in a tight circle around them, and began pressing in. "this is the end for bilby!" cried bilby. the sky was blotted by corpses, and all went dark for the three warriors. just then, a blast of pink light cleaved through the bodies, and sunlight streamed through the gap. the three took the oppertunitie, and leapt out, landing on the edge of the plain. there stood sym. his torso, right arm, and the right eye of his were completely cybernetic, and his right hand ended in a short barreled, futuristic looking cannon. the cannon charged up with light again, and fired another pulse of energy through the hordes of the dead. the three soldiers passed sym and kept running, before he turned and ran after them.
becca hovered around jacobs head. josh sat on a rocky outpost, facing jacob. jacob nodded and said "the enemy of my enemy is my friend. i guess il join your cause josh." "excelent!" squealed becca. "we can stay up late and watch tv and drink whiskey and tell ghost storeys and i can cook us pancakes for breakfast and" "becca, thats enough now" josh sighed. becca pouted. " jacob hoisted his sword and turned to the edge of the mountain. "were do we start?" as he spoke, a crackling sound filled the air, and shane appeared in a flash of light and fell face first onto the mountain side. "weres my beloved?" he cried out, tears streaming down his face. "quentin lied to me, he said i would be happy. but im not. i want my bilby!" becca josh and jacob looked at each other and turned back to shane. "hey, shane" josh stepped forward. "you say you want quentin to die as well?"
bilby sat around a campfire with sym, steven and jason sitting around him. the four were talking. "so we need to find more power" sym said. "and i know were a good sourse of it is" bilby leant forward. "we leave tomorow at dawn. you positive you know the way?" sym glared at him. "i know one thing: if you dont shut up im gonna have to give somebody a hurting real bad soon." bilby sat back. "ok ok, calm down man. just one question: why do you want to break into dormor?" sym stared into the fire, a look of rage across his cybernetic face. "because they took ganesh away from me. and i want him back"
coming soon to a blog near you: bilby 9.
jacob sat there waiting on top of mount ujif. he knew josh would come. he knew that he would come for becca, who was now screaming at him from her cage. josh had not made good on his promises. jacob had wanted the world. perhaps, he thought to himself, he had been a bit greedy. maybe. oh well, he thought. we'll sort this out sooner or later.
bilby was walking with jason and steven. they were heading to Dormor. in the distance, smoke rose from a great number of fires, burning black against the sky. theyw ere getting close. bilby was nervous about his company though. jason was flying higher than a kite, and steven....... well, steven could still remember when bilby had been drug fucked and violated him. bilby glanced over at steven. he was twitching, and he kept talking to himself. hmmm, thought bilby, better send him in first when we get to dormor..... dont want him in a close proximity to me when he starts to kill. jason exhaled a cloud of nice smelling smoke. "dude, i so cant believe that quentin appears to be behind it all. i bet all the readers out there cant believe it either." steven turned around. "dude, most of them dont know who quentin is. more importantly, what readers? its not like were some web comic or something that a pair of bored, fucked up kids invented to make their friends laugh" jason laughed whilst coughing up weed leaves. "bad mix, man. i like totaly inhaled half the fucking plant man, not just the leaves." steven slapped him "dammit jason, start explaining your knowledge of the fourth wall!" jason stumbled about. "hehe, he said fourth wall. sounds like he said...... um...... more whore??? sort fall??? darth maul??? dude, i dont even know what im hearing anymore" steven screamed, pulled out a battle axe and cut through the air into a world of smiling bouncy rabbits. then, in his rage, he proceeded to butcher all the happy bunnies. bilby stared in shock, and jason lay down on the ground laughing quietly to himself. after the massacre, steve stepped back out and the portal closed behind him. "there, that feels better" steven said, obviously feeling a lot calmer now. they continued walking on.
josh appeared on the top of mount ujif. he stepped out of a haze of smoke and looked around. there was no sign of jacob anywhere. but becca was there, in her smushed form in a little cage. quickly josh repaired her body with magic, and she stepped out of her cage in all her fairy glory. "bout fucking time" she said. suddenly, a loud roar sounded from behind josh. he spun around just in time to see jacobs sword sever his arm off. "FUCKING COCK SUCKER!" josh screamed. he knelt to the floor, stemming the blood flow with his hand. jacob stood over him, and tossed his severed arm over the mountain side. josh turned to becca. "WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY DIDNT YOU FUCKING TELL ME HE WAS BEHIND ME???" becca smiled and took a swig from her jim beam. "cause, you didnt get a chance to fuck me properly. i wanted you bad man, but jacob came in and you didnt get to do me." josh stood up. "AND HOW THE FUCK IS THAT MY FUCKING FAULT??? BLAME JACOB IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING START POINTING FINGERS!" becca sighed heavily. "fine, fine, sorry babe, i shouldnt have let your arm get cut off" she smiled. "although it was fucking funny. and all that blood makes me feel like im about to come." josh stared in exasperation at her. he turned away to face jacob. "crazy fucking fairy's...." he muttered to himself. jacob hoisted his sword. "so, you think you can take me with only one arm josh?" josh smiled, and used his magic to instantly re grow his severed limb. "just remember who gave you your power jacob. i can take it back just as easily as i gave it to you." jacob lunged at josh, but josh summoned a pair of large snakes, and they bit jacobs ankles, pinning him to the ground. then josh fired a bolt if lightning in the form of a power thrust, and it fried right through jacobs sword arm. "an eye for an eye" josh smiled. jacob used his other arm to snap the snakes necks, and grabbed his arm, holding it to the severed stump, and his flesh began to twist and rejoin to itself. soon, his arm was re-attached. he swung his sword in a circle slowly, and locked eyes with josh. "dont think that it'l be that easy." becca giggled. "man, all this violence is making me so wet right now"
bilby, steven and jason walked onto a barren, blackened field, and saw ahead of them the gates of dormor. they advanced across the field, drawing closer. "shane, im almost here" bilby said. "i can almost feel your moist lips against my cock right now." steven punched him in the arm. "man, that is so gay." jason chuckled. "We are oft to blame in this. 'Tis too much proved that with devotion's visage and pious action we do sugar o'er the devil himself". bilby and steven looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces. "whatever man, you guys are living in the past" jason grumbled. in the distance, the gates of Dormor began to part. bilby quickened up his pace. "yes, the gates are opening. one CAN simply walk into dormor!" but bilby soon found the smile falling off his face. from the gates, a great plague of mishapen creatures spilled out and came running towards them. the creatures looked like they were made up of parts from different corpses, and no creature had the right number of limbs or features. they smelled of rotting flesh, and the stitches that bound their limbs together flied around in the air with a mind of their own, almost as if they wanted to pierce the still living flesh of their adversaries. "to battle!" cried bilby. bilby then entered his bezerker state of mind, and charged into the horde of undead screaming wildly and swinging his claymore as if it was made of paper. jason exhaled a cloud of nice smelling white smoke, which caused the creatures hit by it to turn around and start tearing apart their brethren. jason then pulled out a long spear and began impaling 3 undead at a time with each stab. steven swung his axe at the ground, and severed right through to a dimension inside an active volcanoe. many of the creatures, not having well-functioning eyes, simply dropped into the portal, and sizzled to a fiery death. those that made it over the chasm were quickly decapitated by stevens ax swings. bilby charged through the horde, whirling his claymore so fast it was a blur. stinging stitches pierced his flesh many times, but he fought on regardless, shredding all that got near him. mr bilby was this close to regaining his lost love. no amount of badly sewn dead bodies would stop his primal urges of lust and anger now.
josh and jacob continued their battle. jacob ducked and weaved with his superior sword work, and more often than not, managed to draw blood from josh. but josh's magic healed him almost instantly. josh fired many powerful spells in quick succesion, blasting apart the battle field, and blackening the sky with dispelt energy. but jacobs agility enabled him to avoid the worst of the attacks, and any injuries he sustained were healed by his enhanced body. eventually, jacob fired a beam of anti matter from his metal plated hand, wich collided with a black blast of fire that josh had fired, and cause a massive explosion. when the dust cleared, josh was standing still, and in his hands he held a piece of paper. jacob's eyes widened. "oh no" josh grinned. "oh yes. its your contract to me." jacob felt his limbs suddenly gain a lot of weight, and he was forced into a kneeling position with his head on the ground in front of josh's feet. josh paced back and forth. "look, theres no sense in us continuing this fight. you cant beat me, and i cant beat you. so, if i put away the contract and let you stand up, you gonna behave???" jacob sighed and gritted his teeth. "i guess i dont have much choice." josh made the contract disapear, and jacob was able to stand up again. "now" said josh, "you want to kill me because you didnt get everything you asked for. thats understandable. but you gotta understand that it wasnt my doing, it was quentins" "thats right" piped in becca. "he blackmailed josh into serving him, and then he forced josh to sign you on as a powerful warrior. he knew that you would be strong enough to beat bilby in a battle, but he wasnt prepared to give you too much lest you didnt want to fight bilby" josh sighed. "thanks for ruining my story for me" becca giggled "your welcome babe"
the battle raged on, and it wasnt faring well for bilby and co. bilby had lost a lot of blood from his multiple wounds, and he was begining to feel weak. jason had nearly run out of weed, and his speech was becoming noticeably less tripped out. steven was tiring from swinging his massive axe around all day. and the corpse soldiers kept coming. there seemed to be never ending numbers of them, and those that were still around from the first wave were gradually sewing back together their fallen comrades. "retreat guys, we cant beat them!" bilby screamed. "fuckin ay" replied steven, and jason gave a weak giggle. the tried to cleave their way back through to the edge of the plain, but the horde was too thick, the bodies too high. "were finished" moaned steven. "and i never got to profess my undying love for lady gaga!" "dude, your not in love with lady gaga" jason yeled out. "i know, but i would have liked to love a hermaphrodite!" replied steven. the throng of dead pressed in a tight circle around them, and began pressing in. "this is the end for bilby!" cried bilby. the sky was blotted by corpses, and all went dark for the three warriors. just then, a blast of pink light cleaved through the bodies, and sunlight streamed through the gap. the three took the oppertunitie, and leapt out, landing on the edge of the plain. there stood sym. his torso, right arm, and the right eye of his were completely cybernetic, and his right hand ended in a short barreled, futuristic looking cannon. the cannon charged up with light again, and fired another pulse of energy through the hordes of the dead. the three soldiers passed sym and kept running, before he turned and ran after them.
becca hovered around jacobs head. josh sat on a rocky outpost, facing jacob. jacob nodded and said "the enemy of my enemy is my friend. i guess il join your cause josh." "excelent!" squealed becca. "we can stay up late and watch tv and drink whiskey and tell ghost storeys and i can cook us pancakes for breakfast and" "becca, thats enough now" josh sighed. becca pouted. " jacob hoisted his sword and turned to the edge of the mountain. "were do we start?" as he spoke, a crackling sound filled the air, and shane appeared in a flash of light and fell face first onto the mountain side. "weres my beloved?" he cried out, tears streaming down his face. "quentin lied to me, he said i would be happy. but im not. i want my bilby!" becca josh and jacob looked at each other and turned back to shane. "hey, shane" josh stepped forward. "you say you want quentin to die as well?"
bilby sat around a campfire with sym, steven and jason sitting around him. the four were talking. "so we need to find more power" sym said. "and i know were a good sourse of it is" bilby leant forward. "we leave tomorow at dawn. you positive you know the way?" sym glared at him. "i know one thing: if you dont shut up im gonna have to give somebody a hurting real bad soon." bilby sat back. "ok ok, calm down man. just one question: why do you want to break into dormor?" sym stared into the fire, a look of rage across his cybernetic face. "because they took ganesh away from me. and i want him back"
coming soon to a blog near you: bilby 9.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Bilby 7
Bilby, thinking through what he was told, was in a dilerium.
He couldn't believe it....
Jacob's films were not the same at all, I mean There's something about Jethro was nothing like The Awakening...
And the similiarities between that and psycho killer, as he'd explained was only building onto and developing his ideas on murder horror genre. He has yet to show his full ideas....
But that was besides the point, what puzzled Bilby even less then that was how Josh was able to afford an apartment, and who the hell was this demon...
"The demon... He may call himself Lucifer, and he may now just be that... but he wasn't always. There was a mysterious appearance around the time the devil appeared to Josh..." said Jason.
"Who?" asked Bilby.
"Quinten Wroth was said to have spontaniously combusted the day the devil appeared", Jason was depressed, looking to the ground. "His blood made out the words 'I shall return to destroy David Cox...because he is such a shiv with a dirty bottom' ".
"Holy shit", exlciamed Bilby.
He stood up, all this knowledge troubling him.
Wait a second...
Josh was fucking that fairy?
Oh the little bitch, she was one of Josh's spies.
"Yep, you got that right", said a girlish voice behind him.
Bilby looked behind to see the fairy Becca once again.
Bilby took up his Claymore and Swung it. The blade caught the fairy and crushed it against the tree.
"YOU CUNT!", the mush explained. It suddenly dissapeared.
"Okay, i've had enough of this delaying. We move to Dormor immediatly. Bilby pack your stuff and lets move out. We have one more friend to visit, who will accompany us on our way there" said Jason, getting up off his wooden llog, putting down his bong and picking up his dinner blasters.
"Yeah, let us move" said Bilby.
Screams of pleasure were coming out of Dormor room 101. The room of Josh.
Josh was screaming in extacy, as he recieved fellatio from a pile of mush.
Sure Josh was a raging shanesexual, but he couldnt help but pass up any pleasure of the flesh.
Unfortunatly Becca couldn't reform properly, and had to remain a pile of mush that lived in josh's pants because she got hurt in real life, not ina dream.
Her mistake was her lifes error. She didn't know Bilby was powerful enough to pull stuff from dreams. That must be why Quinten was so interested in obtaining Bilby and extracting his life essence.
Jacob walked past and sighed.
He was no longer satisfied with Josh's place. It was one night he had sex with Christina Scabbia and he never saw her again.
What had Josh brought him since then?
and what kind of accomadation was his heaney hiney hole?
well now he was out of there he was happy. Oh well, he shall stick around. Ask Josh for some new game. If not, then it will be Josh's fate he'd be messing with next.
He walked in the room, knowing he'd seen Josh doing worser things when he's walked into the room.
"Hey Josh. More babes. Now." said Jacob.
Josh was still getting pleasured, scremaing in anticipation of what sensation will come next.
"Oh here" Throws Jacob a Bagel, "Take this, butter it up, microwave it for 5 minutes and fuck it"
Jacob will have his revenge.
He took his bagel for later and went off to plot his revenge.
"Bilby, you remember Steve Barron"
Steve started to beat the shit out of Bilby
"YOU CUNT, YOU TRAUMATIZED ME, I CANT SLEEP WITHOUT PICTURING YOUR NAKED BODY"
They had arrived in Dorgon.
Close to Dormor.
Bilby exlcaimed within the pummelling, "I'm sorry Steve... It was a time when i was on drugs. i even made that film about when i was on drugs around that time."
Steve got off him, and laughed "Yeah you tripped out bastard, you even thought you were dead"
Bilby replied, "I did. yes."
Steve then showed Bilby his skill.
He pulled out a battleaxe and within 2 seconds had made a tree into sawdust.
"I was practicing in our home world, when my awesome cutting skills cut a hole in our dimension. I got trapped in this one." Said Steve.
"Well off we go then", said Jason.
Meanwhile in Dormor, Jacob escorted Shane down a hallway.
Jacobs plan was perfect.
Josh thinks he's in bed with Becca, but...
Josh was in bed enjoying awesome head from Becca.
All of a sudden, Shane walks in.
"Oh god Josh, HOW COULD YOU?"
"don't worry baby, it's my magical reward from this fairy"
"That's not a fairy it's Frazer Logan"
Josh looks next to him and see's flogan.
"You really fucked up there didnt ya?"
Shane ran out the room, "I misss bilby so much. HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS AGAIN."
Shane then tore a wall in the universe and returned to the real world.
Yeah...that's his power.
Josh knew it was Jacob that did that to him.
In the meantime Jacob was storming out the castle with Becca in a cage.
He had enough, and was leaving... He knew Josh would come ater to confront him, but he was ready.
If he didnt come out that time portal and butchered those priests, gaining his awesome powers before seeing Josh in his flat (explaining Jacobs epic beard), then he wouldnt be able to fight back.
But considering one controlled matter, and one controlled magic. it would be an interesting confrontation.
Jacob carried onto mount Ujif. He knew Josh would leave Dormor to see him there. Too bad by the time Bilby got to Dormor Josh would be dead, and he'll never find Shane or a way home again.
Unless of course he met Jason who could make him a way home.
He just wished, that at the end of all this, Quinten won't find out....
He couldn't believe it....
Jacob's films were not the same at all, I mean There's something about Jethro was nothing like The Awakening...
And the similiarities between that and psycho killer, as he'd explained was only building onto and developing his ideas on murder horror genre. He has yet to show his full ideas....
But that was besides the point, what puzzled Bilby even less then that was how Josh was able to afford an apartment, and who the hell was this demon...
"The demon... He may call himself Lucifer, and he may now just be that... but he wasn't always. There was a mysterious appearance around the time the devil appeared to Josh..." said Jason.
"Who?" asked Bilby.
"Quinten Wroth was said to have spontaniously combusted the day the devil appeared", Jason was depressed, looking to the ground. "His blood made out the words 'I shall return to destroy David Cox...because he is such a shiv with a dirty bottom' ".
"Holy shit", exlciamed Bilby.
He stood up, all this knowledge troubling him.
Wait a second...
Josh was fucking that fairy?
Oh the little bitch, she was one of Josh's spies.
"Yep, you got that right", said a girlish voice behind him.
Bilby looked behind to see the fairy Becca once again.
Bilby took up his Claymore and Swung it. The blade caught the fairy and crushed it against the tree.
"YOU CUNT!", the mush explained. It suddenly dissapeared.
"Okay, i've had enough of this delaying. We move to Dormor immediatly. Bilby pack your stuff and lets move out. We have one more friend to visit, who will accompany us on our way there" said Jason, getting up off his wooden llog, putting down his bong and picking up his dinner blasters.
"Yeah, let us move" said Bilby.
Screams of pleasure were coming out of Dormor room 101. The room of Josh.
Josh was screaming in extacy, as he recieved fellatio from a pile of mush.
Sure Josh was a raging shanesexual, but he couldnt help but pass up any pleasure of the flesh.
Unfortunatly Becca couldn't reform properly, and had to remain a pile of mush that lived in josh's pants because she got hurt in real life, not ina dream.
Her mistake was her lifes error. She didn't know Bilby was powerful enough to pull stuff from dreams. That must be why Quinten was so interested in obtaining Bilby and extracting his life essence.
Jacob walked past and sighed.
He was no longer satisfied with Josh's place. It was one night he had sex with Christina Scabbia and he never saw her again.
What had Josh brought him since then?
and what kind of accomadation was his heaney hiney hole?
well now he was out of there he was happy. Oh well, he shall stick around. Ask Josh for some new game. If not, then it will be Josh's fate he'd be messing with next.
He walked in the room, knowing he'd seen Josh doing worser things when he's walked into the room.
"Hey Josh. More babes. Now." said Jacob.
Josh was still getting pleasured, scremaing in anticipation of what sensation will come next.
"Oh here" Throws Jacob a Bagel, "Take this, butter it up, microwave it for 5 minutes and fuck it"
Jacob will have his revenge.
He took his bagel for later and went off to plot his revenge.
"Bilby, you remember Steve Barron"
Steve started to beat the shit out of Bilby
"YOU CUNT, YOU TRAUMATIZED ME, I CANT SLEEP WITHOUT PICTURING YOUR NAKED BODY"
They had arrived in Dorgon.
Close to Dormor.
Bilby exlcaimed within the pummelling, "I'm sorry Steve... It was a time when i was on drugs. i even made that film about when i was on drugs around that time."
Steve got off him, and laughed "Yeah you tripped out bastard, you even thought you were dead"
Bilby replied, "I did. yes."
Steve then showed Bilby his skill.
He pulled out a battleaxe and within 2 seconds had made a tree into sawdust.
"I was practicing in our home world, when my awesome cutting skills cut a hole in our dimension. I got trapped in this one." Said Steve.
"Well off we go then", said Jason.
Meanwhile in Dormor, Jacob escorted Shane down a hallway.
Jacobs plan was perfect.
Josh thinks he's in bed with Becca, but...
Josh was in bed enjoying awesome head from Becca.
All of a sudden, Shane walks in.
"Oh god Josh, HOW COULD YOU?"
"don't worry baby, it's my magical reward from this fairy"
"That's not a fairy it's Frazer Logan"
Josh looks next to him and see's flogan.
"You really fucked up there didnt ya?"
Shane ran out the room, "I misss bilby so much. HOLD ME IN YOUR ARMS AGAIN."
Shane then tore a wall in the universe and returned to the real world.
Yeah...that's his power.
Josh knew it was Jacob that did that to him.
In the meantime Jacob was storming out the castle with Becca in a cage.
He had enough, and was leaving... He knew Josh would come ater to confront him, but he was ready.
If he didnt come out that time portal and butchered those priests, gaining his awesome powers before seeing Josh in his flat (explaining Jacobs epic beard), then he wouldnt be able to fight back.
But considering one controlled matter, and one controlled magic. it would be an interesting confrontation.
Jacob carried onto mount Ujif. He knew Josh would leave Dormor to see him there. Too bad by the time Bilby got to Dormor Josh would be dead, and he'll never find Shane or a way home again.
Unless of course he met Jason who could make him a way home.
He just wished, that at the end of all this, Quinten won't find out....
bilby VI: past revealed
media class, 2009:
bilby and jacob staring at a screen.
bilby: "dude this movie of mine is so fucking awsome"
"no offence bilby, but its kinda lame. you injected way to many of your christian religions faiths and beliefs and you turned a decent film into a total slosh bucket of crucifixes and christs. 2 stars at best."
bilby smacks jacob over the head
"dude, do you have to act like such a fucking know it all every day?"
"yes, its how i get my kicks"
bilby sighs. walks over to another screen
"well what are you working on then?"
"the most awsome blood soaked slasher psychotic killer film ever!"
"christ, not another one?"
jacob giggles like a school girl and grins psychotically.
"i made josh the killer in this one"
josh bursts into the room
"someone mentioned my name, i came running as fast as i could!"
jacob and bilby stare at him.
bilby: "jacob just mentioned that he incorporated you into his film is all"
josh laughs. "oh yea, that thing. its alright as far as a jacob film goes"
jacob glowers "whats that supposed to mean?"
bilby "nothing man, just that their all kinda similar is all"
jacob jumps up on a table and dramatically raises his voice.
"say what you will, i will one day rise to be the greatest director of all time! and you will all come crawling to me, begging for money and shelter, and i shall spit on you and say yes, as long as you serve as my footstool for the next thousand and one years!" dramatic evil laugh.
josh and bilby join in the laughter.
josh: "your one funny fucker jacob. dont get too hung up on this whole movie gig though. if you do flop, you can always crash at mine you know"
jacob: "yea yea man, thanks, but il succeed no matter what"
bilby: "and marry our atractive cousins!"
lomg silence.
bilby; "..............or not, just joking (cough) "
slums of new york, 2012
croud of people gathered around a poster for a hellsing movie coming out soon
one person: "jacob, isnt he that shit director who everyone sais is worse than uwe bowe???"
second person: "yea, thats him. not worth a watch then i guess. lets see that new romantic comedy by the director of the bagman instead"
croud moves away
in the shadows, a figure stumbles away.
josh's appartment; 2 am, 2012
doorbell rings.
josh climbs out of bed. becca stirs
becca "what is it josh?"
"nothing babe, just the doorbell, go back to sleep"
goes down to answer door. jacob is standing outside. his clothes smell of garbage, he hasnt showered in weeks, and his beard is 3 feet long.
josh "jacob? christ man, what happened to you?"
jacob "sorry man, i didnt know were else to go. my movie career was a failure, and i had nothing to fall back on. iv been living on the streets for months now. i need help man!"
josh shakes head pityingly
"well, you better come in then"
3 am
josh and jacob sitting in the living room, drinking tea
jacob: "and thats my story. in hindsight, its all bilby's fault. if he hadnt had stolen my prize actor shane away from me, then none of my movies would have been a flop, and i would still be a massively succesful director. its all bilby's fault dammit!"
josh smiles.
"jacob, what if i told you that i could make you a great director again?"
"you can? how? do it man! help me out!"
josh rises up
"you see, i have, over the years, aquired a fair bit of power. some of it you would probably call black magic"
"dude, i stopped believing in magic like 2 years ago"
"shut up and listen to me you smelly hoboe!"
silence.
"good, thats better. now, i met a certain.....person a while ago, who for his own reasons also wishes bilby to come to some harm. i made a contract with him, and i was in turn granted massive power and magic, in return for my alleigence to this person."
"who is this person?"
josh smiles, and moves to a massive collection of books.
"he goes by many names. im not even sure its a him. it could be a collection of minds for all i know. but it is like no person you have ever seen."
"what names does it go by?"
"you have heard its name many times over. some call it lucifer, or nero, or hitler, or ktulu, or dracular. pretty much every creature that goes bump in the night was inspired by it. some even call it god"
jacob laughs.
"and you expect me to believe this, why?"
fire rises in a ring around jacob. furniture flies about as if in a whilrwind. the walls bleed. the floor dissapears into a gigantic chasm. darkness fills jacobs vision. a thousand voices laugh maniacly from all directions. and almost as soon as the darkness fills jacobs vision, he is sitting back in the living room with josh smiling at him.
"are you a believer now?"
jacob whimpers and nods.
josh: "ok, well heres how it goes. i can make you succesful and rich beyond your wildest dreams. i can make you powerful, fast, strong, almost god-like. i can give you whatever it is you want."
jacob: "....really? you can do that for me?"
"yes i can. all that and more if you want"
jacob smiles.
"whats the catch?"
josh laughs
"oh mr cobb, always so cynical arent we? well, the only catch is that you must remain loyal to me, and serve as my greatest and most powerful soldier"
"that doesnt sound so bad"
josh grins
"the accomodation is to die for"
jacob rises up
"ok, il do it"
"excelent. just sign here"
pulls out a contract and quill from the air.
jacob signs.
josh smirks.
"you made the right choice jacob. now close your eyes and you'll wake up in a better tomorow"
blacks out. jacob awakes lying in a massive double bed. he turns on his side, and see's christina scabia lying naked and asleep next to him. jacob grins
"well well josh, you dont dissapoint, do you?"
a maid rushes in
"mr jacob, mr jacob! good news, your new hellsing movie has just topped the biggest opening week box office takings. and adrien brody has signed on for a sequal!"
jacob gets out of bed and stands up triumphantly. the maid, looks down, blushes, then turns away. jacob looks down, at his crutch, as he is naked. he smiles broader.
"fuck yea! this is awsome! finally im above a size small!"
josh, kneeling before a shadowy, flaming throne.
"he has joined our cause master, and he will not dissapoint, i can assure you of that. i have crafted him into a fine warrior"
a figure on the throne rises up slightly, then sinks back down. a hissing voice, like a snake stalking a baby rabbit, breathes out slowly.
"well done josh. the fall of bilby is one step closer now."
josh rises up slowly.
"master, could i trouble you to make good on your promise now?"
the figure laughs, it is a sound that could make demons cower in fear.
"greedy little sucker, arent you josh? fine, i shall spare becca's life. but this does not mean that your service to me is over. there is much to do. i have such sights to show you"
josh backs away, glowering.
"yes.....master"
josh turns away, and stalks off into the shadows.
he mutters quietly to himself.
"and one day, i will end my service along with your life. i have such sensations to visit upon your flesh, MASTER"
tune in for part 7 sometime soon. hope you enjoyed it :P
bilby and jacob staring at a screen.
bilby: "dude this movie of mine is so fucking awsome"
"no offence bilby, but its kinda lame. you injected way to many of your christian religions faiths and beliefs and you turned a decent film into a total slosh bucket of crucifixes and christs. 2 stars at best."
bilby smacks jacob over the head
"dude, do you have to act like such a fucking know it all every day?"
"yes, its how i get my kicks"
bilby sighs. walks over to another screen
"well what are you working on then?"
"the most awsome blood soaked slasher psychotic killer film ever!"
"christ, not another one?"
jacob giggles like a school girl and grins psychotically.
"i made josh the killer in this one"
josh bursts into the room
"someone mentioned my name, i came running as fast as i could!"
jacob and bilby stare at him.
bilby: "jacob just mentioned that he incorporated you into his film is all"
josh laughs. "oh yea, that thing. its alright as far as a jacob film goes"
jacob glowers "whats that supposed to mean?"
bilby "nothing man, just that their all kinda similar is all"
jacob jumps up on a table and dramatically raises his voice.
"say what you will, i will one day rise to be the greatest director of all time! and you will all come crawling to me, begging for money and shelter, and i shall spit on you and say yes, as long as you serve as my footstool for the next thousand and one years!" dramatic evil laugh.
josh and bilby join in the laughter.
josh: "your one funny fucker jacob. dont get too hung up on this whole movie gig though. if you do flop, you can always crash at mine you know"
jacob: "yea yea man, thanks, but il succeed no matter what"
bilby: "and marry our atractive cousins!"
lomg silence.
bilby; "..............or not, just joking (cough) "
slums of new york, 2012
croud of people gathered around a poster for a hellsing movie coming out soon
one person: "jacob, isnt he that shit director who everyone sais is worse than uwe bowe???"
second person: "yea, thats him. not worth a watch then i guess. lets see that new romantic comedy by the director of the bagman instead"
croud moves away
in the shadows, a figure stumbles away.
josh's appartment; 2 am, 2012
doorbell rings.
josh climbs out of bed. becca stirs
becca "what is it josh?"
"nothing babe, just the doorbell, go back to sleep"
goes down to answer door. jacob is standing outside. his clothes smell of garbage, he hasnt showered in weeks, and his beard is 3 feet long.
josh "jacob? christ man, what happened to you?"
jacob "sorry man, i didnt know were else to go. my movie career was a failure, and i had nothing to fall back on. iv been living on the streets for months now. i need help man!"
josh shakes head pityingly
"well, you better come in then"
3 am
josh and jacob sitting in the living room, drinking tea
jacob: "and thats my story. in hindsight, its all bilby's fault. if he hadnt had stolen my prize actor shane away from me, then none of my movies would have been a flop, and i would still be a massively succesful director. its all bilby's fault dammit!"
josh smiles.
"jacob, what if i told you that i could make you a great director again?"
"you can? how? do it man! help me out!"
josh rises up
"you see, i have, over the years, aquired a fair bit of power. some of it you would probably call black magic"
"dude, i stopped believing in magic like 2 years ago"
"shut up and listen to me you smelly hoboe!"
silence.
"good, thats better. now, i met a certain.....person a while ago, who for his own reasons also wishes bilby to come to some harm. i made a contract with him, and i was in turn granted massive power and magic, in return for my alleigence to this person."
"who is this person?"
josh smiles, and moves to a massive collection of books.
"he goes by many names. im not even sure its a him. it could be a collection of minds for all i know. but it is like no person you have ever seen."
"what names does it go by?"
"you have heard its name many times over. some call it lucifer, or nero, or hitler, or ktulu, or dracular. pretty much every creature that goes bump in the night was inspired by it. some even call it god"
jacob laughs.
"and you expect me to believe this, why?"
fire rises in a ring around jacob. furniture flies about as if in a whilrwind. the walls bleed. the floor dissapears into a gigantic chasm. darkness fills jacobs vision. a thousand voices laugh maniacly from all directions. and almost as soon as the darkness fills jacobs vision, he is sitting back in the living room with josh smiling at him.
"are you a believer now?"
jacob whimpers and nods.
josh: "ok, well heres how it goes. i can make you succesful and rich beyond your wildest dreams. i can make you powerful, fast, strong, almost god-like. i can give you whatever it is you want."
jacob: "....really? you can do that for me?"
"yes i can. all that and more if you want"
jacob smiles.
"whats the catch?"
josh laughs
"oh mr cobb, always so cynical arent we? well, the only catch is that you must remain loyal to me, and serve as my greatest and most powerful soldier"
"that doesnt sound so bad"
josh grins
"the accomodation is to die for"
jacob rises up
"ok, il do it"
"excelent. just sign here"
pulls out a contract and quill from the air.
jacob signs.
josh smirks.
"you made the right choice jacob. now close your eyes and you'll wake up in a better tomorow"
blacks out. jacob awakes lying in a massive double bed. he turns on his side, and see's christina scabia lying naked and asleep next to him. jacob grins
"well well josh, you dont dissapoint, do you?"
a maid rushes in
"mr jacob, mr jacob! good news, your new hellsing movie has just topped the biggest opening week box office takings. and adrien brody has signed on for a sequal!"
jacob gets out of bed and stands up triumphantly. the maid, looks down, blushes, then turns away. jacob looks down, at his crutch, as he is naked. he smiles broader.
"fuck yea! this is awsome! finally im above a size small!"
josh, kneeling before a shadowy, flaming throne.
"he has joined our cause master, and he will not dissapoint, i can assure you of that. i have crafted him into a fine warrior"
a figure on the throne rises up slightly, then sinks back down. a hissing voice, like a snake stalking a baby rabbit, breathes out slowly.
"well done josh. the fall of bilby is one step closer now."
josh rises up slowly.
"master, could i trouble you to make good on your promise now?"
the figure laughs, it is a sound that could make demons cower in fear.
"greedy little sucker, arent you josh? fine, i shall spare becca's life. but this does not mean that your service to me is over. there is much to do. i have such sights to show you"
josh backs away, glowering.
"yes.....master"
josh turns away, and stalks off into the shadows.
he mutters quietly to himself.
"and one day, i will end my service along with your life. i have such sensations to visit upon your flesh, MASTER"
tune in for part 7 sometime soon. hope you enjoyed it :P
Friday, September 11, 2009
Bilby V
"AND NOW BEHOLD" Screamed Josh into the night.
Suspense for Josh's next move leaved Bilby frozen scared.
But one thing called out to him, the voice he heard as the shadows of the forest took him away.
"Shane..."
That beautiful voice, the voice of his one true love.
His heart gave Bilby the courage to prevail, and to push forward past his fears.
Still aware of the great spell being brought forward, bilby took the chance to observe his surroundings and stragetise.
His new clothing and weapon gave him the agility. He felt wind in his veins, ready to lift him any direction he stirred it. His sword made the cemented walls around him feel like butter. he moved it out and just minutely scaping away a small scratch at the wall. And like butter it came off.
He looked for a week vantage point on Josh.
He was laughing hysterically, his lower body swelling up, as if he was calling forth something from his body.
His robes, long and so stereotypically like a disney wizards, rose as if there was a wind emmitting from the ground.
his eyebrows exagerated and long and pointed, like tommy lee jones's.
A crazy manic grin across his face, taunting bilby to depression.
In his eyes he saw the countless times he'd pleasured shane, in POV.
And now, josh's arse swelling up like a tidal wave, rose over his head and spitted out a black object.
"AND FROM THE HEANEY HINEY HOLE.... I CALL FORTH..."
Bilby sensed some recognition at the silhouette of the dark form below.
A Nemesy.
"JACOB".
The black gooey from rised up, and screamed with an anger and ferocity never experienced to Bilby.
It echoed the dark twisted surrealisms, sins and pleasures of humanity.
A godless essense as opposed to the the godfull essense of Bilby.
With this scream, if it wasn't for the brightness of Bilby's heart, the whole place would be in darkness.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGGHGHGH".
Josh's cheeks raised further than would be expected. His grin, although retarded and cartoony as it was, did nothing to make the situation seem less serious.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE JOSH!", the black gooish figure screamed.
"Oh what is it Kempy?", said Josh smiling back.
"Out of all places you can keep me... WHY YOUR ASS?", the black mass said, arms folded, tapping one foot impatiently.
"Oh baby it's because i like you up there, with your pointy sword scraping the edges i get happy. why else do i keep this stupid grin on my face?"
"whatever..." The black mass walked to the side.
"HAPEXEMANDOUS, ABARAT!"
The shit that caked him burst off, reformed into a giant pointy ball, and went flying back up josh's ass.
"oooh" said josh smiling even more.
What was left standing there was a shadow from Bilby's past.
A fellow film maker such as himself.
Jacob.
Before Bilby decided to gorge himself in the pleasures of the flesh, They both attended film school.
Jacob was the most awesomely awesome film maker in the awesomely awesome awesomeverse.
Bilby couldnt compete so he went to Shane at that point.
He produced many good films. "The Duke", a black comedy, rated R for extreme content but opened to rave reviews for lead roles Michael Cera and Seth Rogan, not to mention a progression from Robert Pattinson from being known as "gay douchey edward twilight boy who aint got shit on other vampires coz twilight sucks dick" guy to "lady killing royalty addicted to hallucinagenics and herion who has 2 bodyguards, a skimpy lesbian who weilds a giant gattling gun and a skinny little royal rat who likes to cut the main arterys that run near females genitals".
Followed by his acadamy award winning adaption of the anime "Hellsing". Featuring Sin City like visuals, Adrien Brody as Alucard, Kate Winslet as Integra and a newcomier unknown actress as Saras Victoria. Creating controversy through its insane questioning of religion and gratuitious violents and sadism coming from protagonists.
Religious Riots were insane after that, driving Jacob to his supposed death.
Rumor had it that he never died, and was taken by some cult who didn't kill him, but attempted to send him to hell through ritual where he belongs.
Hell not existing, they opened up a gate to somewhere else.
In that world, a time spand of 10 seconds in ours was 10 years, where learning to weild Anti matter and the fabric of the universe, not to mention inheriting in his genes the very stuff that creates evil intentions. He came back in 10 seconds, age and form altered by 10 years, and butchered those priests in ways that made hell seem real.
Now here he was, different from when bilby saw him last, yet the same.
He was clothed in dark heavy materials. Pants baggy and blake, a small chain running as a belt. Big black boots, the kind you expect to see crushing childrens skulls underfoot.
Black Trench coat also. One arm sleeve was taken off, showing an armored hand with symbols and incantations carved into the metal.
The trnechcoat being open, reavealing a white wifebeater. The name in itself evil.
I mean, of all clothing, wife beater is most certainly the most eivl and cruel of them all.
But he doesnt beat wives, he just wants an evil shirt. Not everyone can walk the walk right?
He can say "ooh look im in a wife beater" but he would never beat a wife.
His hair was long, black and layered. Huge spikes of hair in the air, with long bangs coming down the front.
He weilded a Red Bladed Dragonsword in his left hand. His right being the armored one.
Bilby then got to notice that his throught process made Jacob sound like a real bad ass.
As if it was written by someone no other than him, but Bilby knew that was a crock of shit.
Unless Jacob too was like a god and had the power to change fate and thought however he saw fit.
But thats stupid, i mean, i highly doubt Jacob has that kind of power.
He totally can't be writing any of this right now.
He looks over at the ready Bilby
"Bahahahaha hey look its Bilby. remember him Josh?"
Josh replies "haha yes i know. Through higher authorities i got him to dump on his boyfriend so i can sleep with him and so my masters further plans with Bilby can come into play."
Jacob says shocked, "wait...what?? has everyone gone gay since i been in your ass?"
Josh replies "Oh shut up Kempy, you do go on".
"o....k"
Bilby had enough of this.
The wind in his veins Lifted him full throttle at Josh, masumane lifted, ready to destroy.
As he went to hit, a red dragon sword blocked.
Josh screams " I AM SICK OF THIS MOTHERUFCKING RANGA IN MY MOTHERFUCKING DREAMWORLD"
Jacob sighs and says "Fuck off for a sec.. Okay Bilby, i dont see why it is necessary you attack Josh, we've all known eachother in the past.
But i will have to kill you
Because of that crappy fashion statement your making"
Bilby looks down at his clothing.
He did look pretty gay dressed as Sephiroth. I mean, imagine it.
Jacob knew in his mind only someone as gay as Josh would try fabricate Bilby into something like that.
"I dressed him like that so he looks cool and so we may have a formidable opponent. When i become an author... All my characters will be dressed as Sephiroth. " said Josh.
Bilby disliked the suspenseful build ups, and raised his sowrd to chop off Jacobs arm.
As he swung horizontally, Jacob ducked under it and power kicked Bilby against the wall.
His foot holding up Bilby's entire body, pinned up against the wall.
Bilby then decided to do something he hadnt done in a while
He reminisenses back to when he took the mermaid to his room, and his belly flop made a hole in the wall.
Bilby's belly comes out and strikes Jacob across the face. Jacob topples over, head first, but does a roll and comes up unscathed.
Jacob pulls out his Dragon Sword and raises it high. Bilby swings low, Jacob jumps up on the end of his epic blade and runs down it and full on boots Bilby in the head.
Bilby's head stricken back, it left his chest exposed. '
Bilby knew this was the end for him.
Jacobs Dragon Sword plunges straight down, right into Bilby's chest.
Bilby waited and waited, but he never felt the cold steel kiss his heart.
He looked down to see that the blade was melting over him. The crimson metallics flooding and engulfing his body.
He looked up to see Jacob griinning evily, and Josh laughing manically into the air.
Bilby fainted, he couldnt take it. He didnt want to know what would follow next.
Everything faded to darkness....
"hahaha, well you failed there didnt ya?"
darkness...
"didn't ya? oh look at me for christs sake"
illumination. In came the little fairy again.
" i didn't tell ya before, my name is Becca"
Bilby was there again. He was bearded and barbarian again. His claymore beside him. Wow, that sephiroth costume was really gay. He should buy one for next time he sees Shane.
Wait... What happened back there? how was he here in yet another sort of darkness?
"all will be answered, dont you worry."
She sat there, scratching her arm.
"Urgh, i've been itchy ever since you tried to kill me multiple times"
"sorry about that"
"whatever"
she stands up and walks around in circles.
"what you were just experiencing was a linked dream. Your mind, intentions towards enemies, and everything your after on your mission came to a crossroad, where your enemies could take another pathway.
Your not strong enough bilby.
You need followers, especially now that Josh has called forth his number 1 soldier."
Bilby, "but how do i defeat them? no convential means of combat seems to work"
"oh it will, you just have to make sure there dead"
Bilby stands up "Okay, I'll walk to Dormor, i shall deal with them there"
Becca looks up at him, and starts laughing spontaniously.
"Can one simply walk walk into Dormor?
I think not.
Like i said, you need followers."
Bilby, looks puzzled.
"But how do i find people?"
"you already have" Said Becca.
"You were carried away by shadows in the forest remember?
An old friend is waiting for you back in your physical body.
I could tell you what you need to know, but he'll know."
Becca sits back down, pulls out a gameboy and says
"now it's time for you to fuck off."
She snaps her fingers and Bilbys eyes open.
He is in the forest, looking up at the trees laying down.
A blurry form is above him.
He has trouble making out who it is.
The hair was too fuzzy.
wait...
fuzzy hair?
"helloooo Bilby."
It was Jason.
It was said he was chilling in Jacob's crib around the time the religious fanatics kidnapped him. One such unbelievable rumor was he obsessed himself in rituals after witnessing the ritual that changed Jacob in ten seconds.
He got stoned, and accidently fell into one of his one way portals he developed. He couldnt get out, welll.... he had the knowledge too, but considering hemp was legal in the newfound land he figured he'd stay.
Bilby then thought to himself about who the hell told him these crappy rumors.
"ahhh your awake" said Jason, smiling goofily.
"urgh, i need to get to Dormor..." said Bilby, slowly getting up.
"a helllo would be nice man", said Jason. '
"will you come with me?", asked Bilby.
"hmmm. Will i take a hairy red man to the Dormortrian Empire of Josh? Sounds like something Jacob would say...seriously..." replied Jason shaking his head.
"but yes. i will come."
Bilby was glad, he got his first companion.
"hmmm I'm hungry" says Jason.
A unicorn walks past and looks at Jason.
Within a split second, Jason had 2 Big ass guns out, and was shooting that Unicorn to fillets.
literally... they looked like cooked fillets.
Bilby was glad he had someone of that skill on his team.
Jason then said, "hmm i need some salad."
So he shoots the tree and it turns into a garden salad.
Bilby was amazed at this weapon.
"whats your weapon?", he asked.
"Dinner Blaster" Jason says as he stood up to collect the unicorn fillets with garden salad.
"hmm, i need some salad dressing.."
he shoots a bird in the sky. it falls down dead on the salad and dissolves into a honey mustard dressing.
The both sat there eating and catching up. Bilby explained the entire story.
Bilby thinks for a second, and asks Jason "I hear you know how to get back home.. can you take me after this ordeal?"
Jason replies "Yeah sure"
Bilby says, "The fairy Becca told me you could tell me something."
Jason replied "I'm aware of how Josh came to be so evil and in control of Jacob."
It's his entire history since after high school actually" said Jason. "And it goes...a little something, like this...."
Bilby 6: Josh fucks a goat, comes out soon, written by Josh Heaney.,
Where Josh will explain his characters background and origins, as well as introduce Bilby to another Ally, who will then begin there Jounrey to Dormor to combat Josh and go home to regain Shane.
Suspense for Josh's next move leaved Bilby frozen scared.
But one thing called out to him, the voice he heard as the shadows of the forest took him away.
"Shane..."
That beautiful voice, the voice of his one true love.
His heart gave Bilby the courage to prevail, and to push forward past his fears.
Still aware of the great spell being brought forward, bilby took the chance to observe his surroundings and stragetise.
His new clothing and weapon gave him the agility. He felt wind in his veins, ready to lift him any direction he stirred it. His sword made the cemented walls around him feel like butter. he moved it out and just minutely scaping away a small scratch at the wall. And like butter it came off.
He looked for a week vantage point on Josh.
He was laughing hysterically, his lower body swelling up, as if he was calling forth something from his body.
His robes, long and so stereotypically like a disney wizards, rose as if there was a wind emmitting from the ground.
his eyebrows exagerated and long and pointed, like tommy lee jones's.
A crazy manic grin across his face, taunting bilby to depression.
In his eyes he saw the countless times he'd pleasured shane, in POV.
And now, josh's arse swelling up like a tidal wave, rose over his head and spitted out a black object.
"AND FROM THE HEANEY HINEY HOLE.... I CALL FORTH..."
Bilby sensed some recognition at the silhouette of the dark form below.
A Nemesy.
"JACOB".
The black gooey from rised up, and screamed with an anger and ferocity never experienced to Bilby.
It echoed the dark twisted surrealisms, sins and pleasures of humanity.
A godless essense as opposed to the the godfull essense of Bilby.
With this scream, if it wasn't for the brightness of Bilby's heart, the whole place would be in darkness.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGGHGHGH".
Josh's cheeks raised further than would be expected. His grin, although retarded and cartoony as it was, did nothing to make the situation seem less serious.
"FOR FUCKS SAKE JOSH!", the black gooish figure screamed.
"Oh what is it Kempy?", said Josh smiling back.
"Out of all places you can keep me... WHY YOUR ASS?", the black mass said, arms folded, tapping one foot impatiently.
"Oh baby it's because i like you up there, with your pointy sword scraping the edges i get happy. why else do i keep this stupid grin on my face?"
"whatever..." The black mass walked to the side.
"HAPEXEMANDOUS, ABARAT!"
The shit that caked him burst off, reformed into a giant pointy ball, and went flying back up josh's ass.
"oooh" said josh smiling even more.
What was left standing there was a shadow from Bilby's past.
A fellow film maker such as himself.
Jacob.
Before Bilby decided to gorge himself in the pleasures of the flesh, They both attended film school.
Jacob was the most awesomely awesome film maker in the awesomely awesome awesomeverse.
Bilby couldnt compete so he went to Shane at that point.
He produced many good films. "The Duke", a black comedy, rated R for extreme content but opened to rave reviews for lead roles Michael Cera and Seth Rogan, not to mention a progression from Robert Pattinson from being known as "gay douchey edward twilight boy who aint got shit on other vampires coz twilight sucks dick" guy to "lady killing royalty addicted to hallucinagenics and herion who has 2 bodyguards, a skimpy lesbian who weilds a giant gattling gun and a skinny little royal rat who likes to cut the main arterys that run near females genitals".
Followed by his acadamy award winning adaption of the anime "Hellsing". Featuring Sin City like visuals, Adrien Brody as Alucard, Kate Winslet as Integra and a newcomier unknown actress as Saras Victoria. Creating controversy through its insane questioning of religion and gratuitious violents and sadism coming from protagonists.
Religious Riots were insane after that, driving Jacob to his supposed death.
Rumor had it that he never died, and was taken by some cult who didn't kill him, but attempted to send him to hell through ritual where he belongs.
Hell not existing, they opened up a gate to somewhere else.
In that world, a time spand of 10 seconds in ours was 10 years, where learning to weild Anti matter and the fabric of the universe, not to mention inheriting in his genes the very stuff that creates evil intentions. He came back in 10 seconds, age and form altered by 10 years, and butchered those priests in ways that made hell seem real.
Now here he was, different from when bilby saw him last, yet the same.
He was clothed in dark heavy materials. Pants baggy and blake, a small chain running as a belt. Big black boots, the kind you expect to see crushing childrens skulls underfoot.
Black Trench coat also. One arm sleeve was taken off, showing an armored hand with symbols and incantations carved into the metal.
The trnechcoat being open, reavealing a white wifebeater. The name in itself evil.
I mean, of all clothing, wife beater is most certainly the most eivl and cruel of them all.
But he doesnt beat wives, he just wants an evil shirt. Not everyone can walk the walk right?
He can say "ooh look im in a wife beater" but he would never beat a wife.
His hair was long, black and layered. Huge spikes of hair in the air, with long bangs coming down the front.
He weilded a Red Bladed Dragonsword in his left hand. His right being the armored one.
Bilby then got to notice that his throught process made Jacob sound like a real bad ass.
As if it was written by someone no other than him, but Bilby knew that was a crock of shit.
Unless Jacob too was like a god and had the power to change fate and thought however he saw fit.
But thats stupid, i mean, i highly doubt Jacob has that kind of power.
He totally can't be writing any of this right now.
He looks over at the ready Bilby
"Bahahahaha hey look its Bilby. remember him Josh?"
Josh replies "haha yes i know. Through higher authorities i got him to dump on his boyfriend so i can sleep with him and so my masters further plans with Bilby can come into play."
Jacob says shocked, "wait...what?? has everyone gone gay since i been in your ass?"
Josh replies "Oh shut up Kempy, you do go on".
"o....k"
Bilby had enough of this.
The wind in his veins Lifted him full throttle at Josh, masumane lifted, ready to destroy.
As he went to hit, a red dragon sword blocked.
Josh screams " I AM SICK OF THIS MOTHERUFCKING RANGA IN MY MOTHERFUCKING DREAMWORLD"
Jacob sighs and says "Fuck off for a sec.. Okay Bilby, i dont see why it is necessary you attack Josh, we've all known eachother in the past.
But i will have to kill you
Because of that crappy fashion statement your making"
Bilby looks down at his clothing.
He did look pretty gay dressed as Sephiroth. I mean, imagine it.
Jacob knew in his mind only someone as gay as Josh would try fabricate Bilby into something like that.
"I dressed him like that so he looks cool and so we may have a formidable opponent. When i become an author... All my characters will be dressed as Sephiroth. " said Josh.
Bilby disliked the suspenseful build ups, and raised his sowrd to chop off Jacobs arm.
As he swung horizontally, Jacob ducked under it and power kicked Bilby against the wall.
His foot holding up Bilby's entire body, pinned up against the wall.
Bilby then decided to do something he hadnt done in a while
He reminisenses back to when he took the mermaid to his room, and his belly flop made a hole in the wall.
Bilby's belly comes out and strikes Jacob across the face. Jacob topples over, head first, but does a roll and comes up unscathed.
Jacob pulls out his Dragon Sword and raises it high. Bilby swings low, Jacob jumps up on the end of his epic blade and runs down it and full on boots Bilby in the head.
Bilby's head stricken back, it left his chest exposed. '
Bilby knew this was the end for him.
Jacobs Dragon Sword plunges straight down, right into Bilby's chest.
Bilby waited and waited, but he never felt the cold steel kiss his heart.
He looked down to see that the blade was melting over him. The crimson metallics flooding and engulfing his body.
He looked up to see Jacob griinning evily, and Josh laughing manically into the air.
Bilby fainted, he couldnt take it. He didnt want to know what would follow next.
Everything faded to darkness....
"hahaha, well you failed there didnt ya?"
darkness...
"didn't ya? oh look at me for christs sake"
illumination. In came the little fairy again.
" i didn't tell ya before, my name is Becca"
Bilby was there again. He was bearded and barbarian again. His claymore beside him. Wow, that sephiroth costume was really gay. He should buy one for next time he sees Shane.
Wait... What happened back there? how was he here in yet another sort of darkness?
"all will be answered, dont you worry."
She sat there, scratching her arm.
"Urgh, i've been itchy ever since you tried to kill me multiple times"
"sorry about that"
"whatever"
she stands up and walks around in circles.
"what you were just experiencing was a linked dream. Your mind, intentions towards enemies, and everything your after on your mission came to a crossroad, where your enemies could take another pathway.
Your not strong enough bilby.
You need followers, especially now that Josh has called forth his number 1 soldier."
Bilby, "but how do i defeat them? no convential means of combat seems to work"
"oh it will, you just have to make sure there dead"
Bilby stands up "Okay, I'll walk to Dormor, i shall deal with them there"
Becca looks up at him, and starts laughing spontaniously.
"Can one simply walk walk into Dormor?
I think not.
Like i said, you need followers."
Bilby, looks puzzled.
"But how do i find people?"
"you already have" Said Becca.
"You were carried away by shadows in the forest remember?
An old friend is waiting for you back in your physical body.
I could tell you what you need to know, but he'll know."
Becca sits back down, pulls out a gameboy and says
"now it's time for you to fuck off."
She snaps her fingers and Bilbys eyes open.
He is in the forest, looking up at the trees laying down.
A blurry form is above him.
He has trouble making out who it is.
The hair was too fuzzy.
wait...
fuzzy hair?
"helloooo Bilby."
It was Jason.
It was said he was chilling in Jacob's crib around the time the religious fanatics kidnapped him. One such unbelievable rumor was he obsessed himself in rituals after witnessing the ritual that changed Jacob in ten seconds.
He got stoned, and accidently fell into one of his one way portals he developed. He couldnt get out, welll.... he had the knowledge too, but considering hemp was legal in the newfound land he figured he'd stay.
Bilby then thought to himself about who the hell told him these crappy rumors.
"ahhh your awake" said Jason, smiling goofily.
"urgh, i need to get to Dormor..." said Bilby, slowly getting up.
"a helllo would be nice man", said Jason. '
"will you come with me?", asked Bilby.
"hmmm. Will i take a hairy red man to the Dormortrian Empire of Josh? Sounds like something Jacob would say...seriously..." replied Jason shaking his head.
"but yes. i will come."
Bilby was glad, he got his first companion.
"hmmm I'm hungry" says Jason.
A unicorn walks past and looks at Jason.
Within a split second, Jason had 2 Big ass guns out, and was shooting that Unicorn to fillets.
literally... they looked like cooked fillets.
Bilby was glad he had someone of that skill on his team.
Jason then said, "hmm i need some salad."
So he shoots the tree and it turns into a garden salad.
Bilby was amazed at this weapon.
"whats your weapon?", he asked.
"Dinner Blaster" Jason says as he stood up to collect the unicorn fillets with garden salad.
"hmm, i need some salad dressing.."
he shoots a bird in the sky. it falls down dead on the salad and dissolves into a honey mustard dressing.
The both sat there eating and catching up. Bilby explained the entire story.
Bilby thinks for a second, and asks Jason "I hear you know how to get back home.. can you take me after this ordeal?"
Jason replies "Yeah sure"
Bilby says, "The fairy Becca told me you could tell me something."
Jason replied "I'm aware of how Josh came to be so evil and in control of Jacob."
It's his entire history since after high school actually" said Jason. "And it goes...a little something, like this...."
Bilby 6: Josh fucks a goat, comes out soon, written by Josh Heaney.,
Where Josh will explain his characters background and origins, as well as introduce Bilby to another Ally, who will then begin there Jounrey to Dormor to combat Josh and go home to regain Shane.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
bilby IV: the ranga ranger
bilby awoke. his head was spinning. his ribs hurt. it felt like he had fallen from a great height and hit the ground hard. he groaned loudly and rolled over, only to come face to face with himself. he jumped back, startled. but it was only his reflection, reflected off his fuck ass claymore which had landed point down right near his head.
seeing the claymore, still covered in faun and dragon and wizard blood, it all came back to bilby. shane, merman flogan, the evil wizard josh, and bibly: the blood soaked ranga who had somehow taken a glimpse into the past and was able to see a small part of the wizard josh's evil plan.
he stood up, and hefted his claymore onto his shoulders. he looked around. there was nothing. blank whiteness as far as the eye could see. no sky. no sun. bilby didnt even cast a shadow. everything was completely blank. "fuck, have i been smoking again?" thought bilby. his thoughts materialized in front of his face and expanded into giant ballons of the words. they popped. "yep, definately trippin right about now" bilby thought to himself. he watched his thoughts form into bubbles and pop again. "now how the fuck do i get out of here.... i know, if im tripping, then im just like jesus and i cant die!" upon uttering this, he hefted his claymore and sliced off his left arm.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!"
he stared at the stump were his arm was. it was still pissing out blood. it hurt like a mother fucker. "ow" he started to cry. "that was my wanking hand. now who will pleasure me???" "definately not me" said a small scottish voice from around his feet. he looked down. it was a little pink fairy with short black hair and a pink tutu. "you look like ronald mcdonald" the fairy said to bilby. bilby raised his foot and brought it down on the fairy, crushing it.
he lifted his foot, and looked at the broken bones, blood, and shattered tutu. "hmmm, i wonder if fairy is edible..." he thought to himself. "NO WE ARE FUCKING NOT!" screamed a voice behind him. it was the fairy again. "....." said bilby. ">:(" said the fairy. "what the fuck you fat ranga cunt, you dont just go fucking squashing every fucking small pink thing you see!" bilby thought about this. strangely enough the imagery jumped to shanes penis... "who are you, the fairy of obscenity?" "no, im the fairy of rain, silly. and were going on a journey of self discovery. this saga hasnt had one of those yet" the fairy said.
bilby said "so wait, your a part of my subconscious?" "fuck no!"screamed the fairy. "who would want to be part of some pedophilic homosexual mutant ranga freaks imagination?" "im not a pedophile!" said bilby. "i only flashed steve once, ok?"
"whatever, you greasy man slut, you cant fool me. now get your fuck ass claymore and lets go on a journey of self discovery!" "will there be cake?" "NO, THE CAKE IS A LIE! NOT THE CAKE!" ".....how bout vodka?" "sure, why not" and they were off, drinking heavily and discusing there favourite pornstars. turns out bilby's porn alias is thunderwang the asshole cleaver. the fairy of rains porn star alter ego is the pope.
so on they walked in the nothingness, occasionally stopping to admire the animal life before bilby butchered it with his fuck ass claymore. after the 8th dismembered winged moneky, bilby had a brainwave. "i know, im actually the son of josh, and i am destined to bring balance again to the force!" the fairy slapped him in the face. "no, wrong movie clich'e, now get back in the kitchen and make me a semich!" ...... "there is no kitchen you drunk" the fairy slapped him again. "when i want your oppinion, il ask for it." "how bout my penis?" bilby sutly asked her. "eww, no thank you" "what, dont tell me the only female character so far is also gay?" she smiled. "no, im bi"
they walked a little further and came to josh, standing there all menacing and evil and cool looking. "kill the infidel!" screamed bilby, and cut him in half with his fuck ass claymore. josh reformed and kicked him in the nuts before twisting his left nipple off. "MOTHER FUCKER!" screamed bilby. the fairy laughed. "hehehe, im so sadistic i come just hearing you scream in agony"
bilby tried to cut josh in half again, but josh healed again before setting a large proportion of bilby's ass hair on fire. bilby fell to the ground, almost defeated. josh stood over him laughing wickedly. "you are weak, bilby. you will never reclaim shane again. he is mine, you will be reduced to sucking flogans tiny pion chode for the rest of your existence" bilby wept at this news. "no, shane, i...i...I LOVE YOU!" he screamed.
the words that bilby had never once said to his beloved shane were shouted at an exponential volume. the world rumbled and shoock, then shattered into a billion glowing pieces. bilby was left standing in a green meadow. "you see?" said the fairy. "your love for shane is the only weapon strong enough to combat your enemies, and by realising it, you have obtained unimagineable strength" bilby's claymore began to warp, and transformed into a long, shining masamune blade. his clothes also changed, into a leather trenchcoat with silver shoulder pads and gauntlets, and big fucking boots. his ranga hair flew wild and free in the breeze. his nipple grew back as a lazer beam. his left arm grew back as a mechanical arm. his nuts grew rock hard. the ranga ranger was born.
"cool, i look like sephiroth" bilby said. "yes, if sephiroth was the weakest, pussiest looking boss in all of final fantasy" laughed the fairy. "im powerful, i have no need for a fairy anymore" muttered bilby, and he spun and impaled the fairy on his masamune. "you fucking cock sucking mother fucking son of a whore's cunt!" screamed the fairy. "i already said, im a magical fucking fairy, you fucking cant kill me!" so she ripped one of his balls out of its sack, leaving bilby with just three, and flew off screaming insults.
bilby began to fly through time and space again. he saw several scenes he hadnt seen before. flogan masturbating in his bed. shane stealing his whiskey. flogan masturbating with davids pillow. josh hypnotizing shanes buisnessman billionare boyfriend, flogan jizzing in bilby's underware. bilby landed in a dark, medievil looking room lit only by several candles. josh knelt on the floor before a giant throne. "all is going according to plan, my master" josh said. bilby ran forward screaming his battle cry. josh turned, smiled, and said "bibbidy bobbidy mole, summon jacob from heaney hiney hole!" and with taht, a totaly fucked up but awsome looking THING fell out of josh's heaney hiney hole. bilby stopped dead in his tracks, and gazed up as jacob roared loudly.
the story will continue in the next issue: bilby V, josh and jacob strike back.
hope you enjoyed it :)
seeing the claymore, still covered in faun and dragon and wizard blood, it all came back to bilby. shane, merman flogan, the evil wizard josh, and bibly: the blood soaked ranga who had somehow taken a glimpse into the past and was able to see a small part of the wizard josh's evil plan.
he stood up, and hefted his claymore onto his shoulders. he looked around. there was nothing. blank whiteness as far as the eye could see. no sky. no sun. bilby didnt even cast a shadow. everything was completely blank. "fuck, have i been smoking again?" thought bilby. his thoughts materialized in front of his face and expanded into giant ballons of the words. they popped. "yep, definately trippin right about now" bilby thought to himself. he watched his thoughts form into bubbles and pop again. "now how the fuck do i get out of here.... i know, if im tripping, then im just like jesus and i cant die!" upon uttering this, he hefted his claymore and sliced off his left arm.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING GOD, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!"
he stared at the stump were his arm was. it was still pissing out blood. it hurt like a mother fucker. "ow" he started to cry. "that was my wanking hand. now who will pleasure me???" "definately not me" said a small scottish voice from around his feet. he looked down. it was a little pink fairy with short black hair and a pink tutu. "you look like ronald mcdonald" the fairy said to bilby. bilby raised his foot and brought it down on the fairy, crushing it.
he lifted his foot, and looked at the broken bones, blood, and shattered tutu. "hmmm, i wonder if fairy is edible..." he thought to himself. "NO WE ARE FUCKING NOT!" screamed a voice behind him. it was the fairy again. "....." said bilby. ">:(" said the fairy. "what the fuck you fat ranga cunt, you dont just go fucking squashing every fucking small pink thing you see!" bilby thought about this. strangely enough the imagery jumped to shanes penis... "who are you, the fairy of obscenity?" "no, im the fairy of rain, silly. and were going on a journey of self discovery. this saga hasnt had one of those yet" the fairy said.
bilby said "so wait, your a part of my subconscious?" "fuck no!"screamed the fairy. "who would want to be part of some pedophilic homosexual mutant ranga freaks imagination?" "im not a pedophile!" said bilby. "i only flashed steve once, ok?"
"whatever, you greasy man slut, you cant fool me. now get your fuck ass claymore and lets go on a journey of self discovery!" "will there be cake?" "NO, THE CAKE IS A LIE! NOT THE CAKE!" ".....how bout vodka?" "sure, why not" and they were off, drinking heavily and discusing there favourite pornstars. turns out bilby's porn alias is thunderwang the asshole cleaver. the fairy of rains porn star alter ego is the pope.
so on they walked in the nothingness, occasionally stopping to admire the animal life before bilby butchered it with his fuck ass claymore. after the 8th dismembered winged moneky, bilby had a brainwave. "i know, im actually the son of josh, and i am destined to bring balance again to the force!" the fairy slapped him in the face. "no, wrong movie clich'e, now get back in the kitchen and make me a semich!" ...... "there is no kitchen you drunk" the fairy slapped him again. "when i want your oppinion, il ask for it." "how bout my penis?" bilby sutly asked her. "eww, no thank you" "what, dont tell me the only female character so far is also gay?" she smiled. "no, im bi"
they walked a little further and came to josh, standing there all menacing and evil and cool looking. "kill the infidel!" screamed bilby, and cut him in half with his fuck ass claymore. josh reformed and kicked him in the nuts before twisting his left nipple off. "MOTHER FUCKER!" screamed bilby. the fairy laughed. "hehehe, im so sadistic i come just hearing you scream in agony"
bilby tried to cut josh in half again, but josh healed again before setting a large proportion of bilby's ass hair on fire. bilby fell to the ground, almost defeated. josh stood over him laughing wickedly. "you are weak, bilby. you will never reclaim shane again. he is mine, you will be reduced to sucking flogans tiny pion chode for the rest of your existence" bilby wept at this news. "no, shane, i...i...I LOVE YOU!" he screamed.
the words that bilby had never once said to his beloved shane were shouted at an exponential volume. the world rumbled and shoock, then shattered into a billion glowing pieces. bilby was left standing in a green meadow. "you see?" said the fairy. "your love for shane is the only weapon strong enough to combat your enemies, and by realising it, you have obtained unimagineable strength" bilby's claymore began to warp, and transformed into a long, shining masamune blade. his clothes also changed, into a leather trenchcoat with silver shoulder pads and gauntlets, and big fucking boots. his ranga hair flew wild and free in the breeze. his nipple grew back as a lazer beam. his left arm grew back as a mechanical arm. his nuts grew rock hard. the ranga ranger was born.
"cool, i look like sephiroth" bilby said. "yes, if sephiroth was the weakest, pussiest looking boss in all of final fantasy" laughed the fairy. "im powerful, i have no need for a fairy anymore" muttered bilby, and he spun and impaled the fairy on his masamune. "you fucking cock sucking mother fucking son of a whore's cunt!" screamed the fairy. "i already said, im a magical fucking fairy, you fucking cant kill me!" so she ripped one of his balls out of its sack, leaving bilby with just three, and flew off screaming insults.
bilby began to fly through time and space again. he saw several scenes he hadnt seen before. flogan masturbating in his bed. shane stealing his whiskey. flogan masturbating with davids pillow. josh hypnotizing shanes buisnessman billionare boyfriend, flogan jizzing in bilby's underware. bilby landed in a dark, medievil looking room lit only by several candles. josh knelt on the floor before a giant throne. "all is going according to plan, my master" josh said. bilby ran forward screaming his battle cry. josh turned, smiled, and said "bibbidy bobbidy mole, summon jacob from heaney hiney hole!" and with taht, a totaly fucked up but awsome looking THING fell out of josh's heaney hiney hole. bilby stopped dead in his tracks, and gazed up as jacob roared loudly.
the story will continue in the next issue: bilby V, josh and jacob strike back.
hope you enjoyed it :)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
yet another day in the life of a crazybilby
I looked back from my watch. Someone was walking into the room Shane was in.
Oh No!
IT'S JOSH HEANEY.
they both started making out.
Bilby thought to himself "everyones cheating on everyone arent they?"
so he strips off naked and runs in.
Shane sees him, the look of anticipation brought on by josh fades as he sees a naked bilby run in the room.
Bilby, as mad as a hatter, is pissbolting towards them.
Both shane and josh being naked, he started to scream "PENIS!!!!!! ITSA MAKING ME CRAZYYYY!!!!"
from there Josh says
"bibbidy babbidy boo, may your christmas wishes turn to poo"
and bilby miracously dissapeared.
When Bilby awoke he was in a winterwonder land.
But what is this?
a faun walks over
"Hullo there mista bilby, IT'S MEE, MISTA TUMNESS"
"Oh fuck off Jethro"
The faun, who was Jethro Gartrell, takes a leak on Bilby and runs off.
"ITSA MAKING ME CRAZY, I WANT TO CHOP IT UP INTO TINY PEICES"
"Sure whatever Ranga Ranger"
It is then Bilby realizes something
in a land of Jethro fauns, he was no longer on earth.
He looks to his side and sees a Claymore stuck into the ground. He pulls it out and sees his reflection in the claymore, something he hadnt seen in a long time.
He looked like an unshaven barbarian, intimidating per his time at the waterfront.
"I shalll become THE RANGA RANGER"
He swings the sword epically.
"I MUST FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE EVIL GAY WIZARD JOSH HEANEY"
Stabs it into the ground.
"GET BACK TO EARTH"
Sees the Jethro faun coming back "teeheeheehee mista bilby im going to throw my poo at you"
"AND RECLAIM MY LOST LOVE!"
he swings his sword back and chops the jethro faun in half.
Meanwhile a unicorn walks past and sees this massicre.,
A ranga barbarian, all rugged in hobo-ish clothing weilding a giant claymore, killed a peaceful forest faun.
The unicorn looked over shocked. he had never seen something so graphic in his life.
HOLY FUCK. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. DID ANYONE JUST FUCKING SEE THAT? THAT FUCKING DUDE JUST CUT THAT FAUN UP. HOLY FUCK. WHAT DO I DO? WHAT IF HE COMES AFTER ME NEXT? OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!
I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING, I GOT TOO MUCH TO LVIE FOR. WHY THE FUCK WAS I HERE MAN? WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?
THIS IS FUCKED, THAT RANGA PSYCHOS GONNA GET ME AND OTHERS NEXT
SHIT DO I WARN PEOPLE? NO THEN HE'LL KNOW ITS ME. FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCKING HELL WHAT THE FUCK? WHY WOULD HE FUCKING DO THAT
OHHH SHIT THERES BLOOD PISSING EVERYWHERE. NO ONE COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT. ITS BURTAL. OH GOD. OH GOD. WHO WAS THAT?
WAS THAT JETHRO?
HOLY FUCK.
HOLY FUCK!!!!
AHHH SHIT NO!
THIS IS MESSED UP SHIT MAN THIS IS MESSED UP SHIT
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK????
Bilby heard a screaming somewhere in the footage, he saw a petrified unicorn standing in the distance, screaming obscenities into the air.
"hmm, i need to see higher up. i need to ride that unicorn to see if there are any villages in the distance."
Bilby appraches the unicorn, still screaming like a lunatic.
he climbs on it and ride it into the sky
OH NO! THE CRAZY BASTARDS ON ME! AHHH FUCK.
Okay, calm down, calm down.
If i fly where he wants, he'll leave me alone.
Lets hope nothing else happens
but still
AHHHHHH FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. IM SO FUCKING SCARED
ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
Bilby, flying high and mighty, riding his white horned stead and weilding a big fuck off claymore, looks over in the distance.
A DRAGON.
an evil creature.
something that may know a certain homosexual dragon.
Bilby fly's over to the big ass dragon. 300 feet big.
OH FUCK. YOU SERIOUS?
OHHH SHIT,. WHAT THE FUCK?
WHAT THE FUCK IS A DRAGON DOING THERE.
OHHJHHHHHHHH FUCK!~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
FUCK THIS!
Bilby, charging full force at the dragon, weilding his fuck off claymore. falls off as the unicorn reaches into its pocket, pulls out a gun and shoots itself.
He falls down, but the dragon swoops down and picks him up on his wings.
"well helloooo there
I'm a dragon
And i sound like John Hurt
I shall take you to Merlin, the young wizard, so with you he can fully realise his powers"
Bilby was then all like "get out maa grill gay dragon before i shank yo scaley ass, bitch!"
and then the dragon was all like "well, i don't appreciate the threat, but i do hope we can become quite good friends...QUITE...good friends" ;) ;)
the dragon winked flirtatiously at bilby.
The thought of dragon rape didn't appeal to Bilby, despite the fact he did get Shane to roar and stampede around the room on role play night.
So bilby took up his awesome claymore, his Bastard Broadsword and brought it down upon the dragons nut sack.
"OWWWW FUCK"
the dragon went nose diving into the ground. spirialling out of control, Bilby had to think fast.
He jump, and landed in the soft plumage.
The dragon, however, well... he landed, and considering how high up he was...
He exploded on impact. Dragon blood and guts everywhere.
"oh no!"
Young Merlin came out of his crappy channel 10 produced shack..
"My-my friend"
he approaches bilby, wand pulled out ready to kill bilby with a wingardium leviosa.
"oh no, Merlin, this isn't how it looks"
"My-my mentor"
"i sincerely apologize Merlin"
Merlin, tears streaming down his face, muttered the last words that will silence bilbby and freeze his soul "my... lover"
who was bilby then. To come in and take away someones lover. in the way someone took away his.
Bilby
"i know how you feel, i had a lover taken away from me too. and i can understand your want for vengence... I go looking for vengence myself."
Merlin, wand raised back "and why should i let you live?"
"you shouldn't. you should just accept it, forget about your loss and move on."
Merlin, putting his wand back to his side, starts to cry.
"HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT MY LOVER. WHEN I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS!!!...."
He turns around to show bilby an insane decaying dragon fuck hole in his lower back.
"If it's of any constellation to you Merlin, Your dragon hit on me, he was going to cheat on you"
Merlin, stunned.
"Oh, then i'm glad you killed the fat scaley slut. I will be happy to accompany you on your mission for vengence"
Bilby. "awesome, just dont bring any of those dick heads from your show. seriously, they fucking suck. so do you but your the main dude so you kinda have to kick ass in some way"
Merlin, replies "no not really. i'm just some bullshit guy who is suppose to show some real power, but i dont, i never do".
Well, Bilby thought. "Still come, i have something to ask of you"
Merlin, puzzled. "yes what may this be"
Bilby, walks away, and towards the dragons bloody pile.
"I went after this dragon, thinking i could find someone who holds the keys to my tragedies."
Merlin, approaching Bilby. "Who is this person?"
Bilby turns around. "I know him by one name, Josh Heaney. He is a wizard, more powerful than yourself. i was transported to this magical land where i must find my way home to destroy those with my mighty sword who have conspired against me, and regain my lost love . "
Merlin, "hmmm. i think i have heard of this josh fellow. He trained the dragon, and he resides in Dormor."
Bilby. pulling his sword out. "Then to Dormor we must ride"
Bilbby, stabbing his sword into the ground. "Merlin, magiic us up a low rider" big triumphant grin on Bilby's face.
"urmm, dont you remember? i dont do magic, im trying to reaalise my full power."
Bilby is angered by this. He approaches Merlin, then cuts him down with his big ass fuck off claymore.
All of a sudden blue light started pouring out of Merlins corpse. and out came a blue orb.
Bilby approached it, and snatched it.
It was at that point Bilby flew up into the air , darkness filled his eyelids.
That darkness then turned into a shoreline.
There sat flogan in his net, drunk as ever, recovering from a session from the pub across the road.
From all of a sudden, in a puff of smoke, Josh Heaney appeared next to him, all dressed up in wizards garments.
"bibbidy bobbidy boo, turn this lobster into goo!"
Frazer turned into a Mermaid.
Josh then walks away, muttering his diabalical plan "mwa hahhahahahahahahaaaaa, Master, our plan is now in session. Bilby will come along now and rescue this mermaid, who will soon afterwarddss turn into a merman for the duration of there love act. And when the sight of shane is exposed to the eyesight of th merman, will the merman reform back into flogan.
It will be then Shane leaves Bilby, and hooks up with one of his fathers business pals who will then cheat on him for Flogan, and leave Shane to myself.. In the meantime master, Bilby willl be all yours mwahahahahahahaahahahahahahah!!!"
Bilby appears blacked out on the ground. All of a sudden, shadows from the forest drag him away.
Deep in his head he dreamt. Dreamt of questions.
questions that asked... "who is the master?"
"how will i find Josh?"
"how can i fight Josh?"
but even more so "how can i get home?"
A telekinetic link was established.
A voice appeared in his head, responding to the questions
"all in good time will you find your answers"
Bilby, his mind in mor trivial questions.
"Is that his voice? is it who i think it is"
"haha yes bilby it is....
but your not going to find out who it is, until the next Issue
BilbyLife IV : Birth of the Ranga Ranger.
until next time, Cobb Out!!
Oh No!
IT'S JOSH HEANEY.
they both started making out.
Bilby thought to himself "everyones cheating on everyone arent they?"
so he strips off naked and runs in.
Shane sees him, the look of anticipation brought on by josh fades as he sees a naked bilby run in the room.
Bilby, as mad as a hatter, is pissbolting towards them.
Both shane and josh being naked, he started to scream "PENIS!!!!!! ITSA MAKING ME CRAZYYYY!!!!"
from there Josh says
"bibbidy babbidy boo, may your christmas wishes turn to poo"
and bilby miracously dissapeared.
When Bilby awoke he was in a winterwonder land.
But what is this?
a faun walks over
"Hullo there mista bilby, IT'S MEE, MISTA TUMNESS"
"Oh fuck off Jethro"
The faun, who was Jethro Gartrell, takes a leak on Bilby and runs off.
"ITSA MAKING ME CRAZY, I WANT TO CHOP IT UP INTO TINY PEICES"
"Sure whatever Ranga Ranger"
It is then Bilby realizes something
in a land of Jethro fauns, he was no longer on earth.
He looks to his side and sees a Claymore stuck into the ground. He pulls it out and sees his reflection in the claymore, something he hadnt seen in a long time.
He looked like an unshaven barbarian, intimidating per his time at the waterfront.
"I shalll become THE RANGA RANGER"
He swings the sword epically.
"I MUST FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE EVIL GAY WIZARD JOSH HEANEY"
Stabs it into the ground.
"GET BACK TO EARTH"
Sees the Jethro faun coming back "teeheeheehee mista bilby im going to throw my poo at you"
"AND RECLAIM MY LOST LOVE!"
he swings his sword back and chops the jethro faun in half.
Meanwhile a unicorn walks past and sees this massicre.,
A ranga barbarian, all rugged in hobo-ish clothing weilding a giant claymore, killed a peaceful forest faun.
The unicorn looked over shocked. he had never seen something so graphic in his life.
HOLY FUCK. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. DID ANYONE JUST FUCKING SEE THAT? THAT FUCKING DUDE JUST CUT THAT FAUN UP. HOLY FUCK. WHAT DO I DO? WHAT IF HE COMES AFTER ME NEXT? OH SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!!
I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING, I GOT TOO MUCH TO LVIE FOR. WHY THE FUCK WAS I HERE MAN? WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?
THIS IS FUCKED, THAT RANGA PSYCHOS GONNA GET ME AND OTHERS NEXT
SHIT DO I WARN PEOPLE? NO THEN HE'LL KNOW ITS ME. FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCKING HELL WHAT THE FUCK? WHY WOULD HE FUCKING DO THAT
OHHH SHIT THERES BLOOD PISSING EVERYWHERE. NO ONE COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT. ITS BURTAL. OH GOD. OH GOD. WHO WAS THAT?
WAS THAT JETHRO?
HOLY FUCK.
HOLY FUCK!!!!
AHHH SHIT NO!
THIS IS MESSED UP SHIT MAN THIS IS MESSED UP SHIT
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK????
Bilby heard a screaming somewhere in the footage, he saw a petrified unicorn standing in the distance, screaming obscenities into the air.
"hmm, i need to see higher up. i need to ride that unicorn to see if there are any villages in the distance."
Bilby appraches the unicorn, still screaming like a lunatic.
he climbs on it and ride it into the sky
OH NO! THE CRAZY BASTARDS ON ME! AHHH FUCK.
Okay, calm down, calm down.
If i fly where he wants, he'll leave me alone.
Lets hope nothing else happens
but still
AHHHHHH FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. IM SO FUCKING SCARED
ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH
Bilby, flying high and mighty, riding his white horned stead and weilding a big fuck off claymore, looks over in the distance.
A DRAGON.
an evil creature.
something that may know a certain homosexual dragon.
Bilby fly's over to the big ass dragon. 300 feet big.
OH FUCK. YOU SERIOUS?
OHHH SHIT,. WHAT THE FUCK?
WHAT THE FUCK IS A DRAGON DOING THERE.
OHHJHHHHHHHH FUCK!~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
FUCK THIS!
Bilby, charging full force at the dragon, weilding his fuck off claymore. falls off as the unicorn reaches into its pocket, pulls out a gun and shoots itself.
He falls down, but the dragon swoops down and picks him up on his wings.
"well helloooo there
I'm a dragon
And i sound like John Hurt
I shall take you to Merlin, the young wizard, so with you he can fully realise his powers"
Bilby was then all like "get out maa grill gay dragon before i shank yo scaley ass, bitch!"
and then the dragon was all like "well, i don't appreciate the threat, but i do hope we can become quite good friends...QUITE...good friends" ;) ;)
the dragon winked flirtatiously at bilby.
The thought of dragon rape didn't appeal to Bilby, despite the fact he did get Shane to roar and stampede around the room on role play night.
So bilby took up his awesome claymore, his Bastard Broadsword and brought it down upon the dragons nut sack.
"OWWWW FUCK"
the dragon went nose diving into the ground. spirialling out of control, Bilby had to think fast.
He jump, and landed in the soft plumage.
The dragon, however, well... he landed, and considering how high up he was...
He exploded on impact. Dragon blood and guts everywhere.
"oh no!"
Young Merlin came out of his crappy channel 10 produced shack..
"My-my friend"
he approaches bilby, wand pulled out ready to kill bilby with a wingardium leviosa.
"oh no, Merlin, this isn't how it looks"
"My-my mentor"
"i sincerely apologize Merlin"
Merlin, tears streaming down his face, muttered the last words that will silence bilbby and freeze his soul "my... lover"
who was bilby then. To come in and take away someones lover. in the way someone took away his.
Bilby
"i know how you feel, i had a lover taken away from me too. and i can understand your want for vengence... I go looking for vengence myself."
Merlin, wand raised back "and why should i let you live?"
"you shouldn't. you should just accept it, forget about your loss and move on."
Merlin, putting his wand back to his side, starts to cry.
"HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT MY LOVER. WHEN I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS!!!...."
He turns around to show bilby an insane decaying dragon fuck hole in his lower back.
"If it's of any constellation to you Merlin, Your dragon hit on me, he was going to cheat on you"
Merlin, stunned.
"Oh, then i'm glad you killed the fat scaley slut. I will be happy to accompany you on your mission for vengence"
Bilby. "awesome, just dont bring any of those dick heads from your show. seriously, they fucking suck. so do you but your the main dude so you kinda have to kick ass in some way"
Merlin, replies "no not really. i'm just some bullshit guy who is suppose to show some real power, but i dont, i never do".
Well, Bilby thought. "Still come, i have something to ask of you"
Merlin, puzzled. "yes what may this be"
Bilby, walks away, and towards the dragons bloody pile.
"I went after this dragon, thinking i could find someone who holds the keys to my tragedies."
Merlin, approaching Bilby. "Who is this person?"
Bilby turns around. "I know him by one name, Josh Heaney. He is a wizard, more powerful than yourself. i was transported to this magical land where i must find my way home to destroy those with my mighty sword who have conspired against me, and regain my lost love . "
Merlin, "hmmm. i think i have heard of this josh fellow. He trained the dragon, and he resides in Dormor."
Bilby. pulling his sword out. "Then to Dormor we must ride"
Bilbby, stabbing his sword into the ground. "Merlin, magiic us up a low rider" big triumphant grin on Bilby's face.
"urmm, dont you remember? i dont do magic, im trying to reaalise my full power."
Bilby is angered by this. He approaches Merlin, then cuts him down with his big ass fuck off claymore.
All of a sudden blue light started pouring out of Merlins corpse. and out came a blue orb.
Bilby approached it, and snatched it.
It was at that point Bilby flew up into the air , darkness filled his eyelids.
That darkness then turned into a shoreline.
There sat flogan in his net, drunk as ever, recovering from a session from the pub across the road.
From all of a sudden, in a puff of smoke, Josh Heaney appeared next to him, all dressed up in wizards garments.
"bibbidy bobbidy boo, turn this lobster into goo!"
Frazer turned into a Mermaid.
Josh then walks away, muttering his diabalical plan "mwa hahhahahahahahahaaaaa, Master, our plan is now in session. Bilby will come along now and rescue this mermaid, who will soon afterwarddss turn into a merman for the duration of there love act. And when the sight of shane is exposed to the eyesight of th merman, will the merman reform back into flogan.
It will be then Shane leaves Bilby, and hooks up with one of his fathers business pals who will then cheat on him for Flogan, and leave Shane to myself.. In the meantime master, Bilby willl be all yours mwahahahahahahaahahahahahahah!!!"
Bilby appears blacked out on the ground. All of a sudden, shadows from the forest drag him away.
Deep in his head he dreamt. Dreamt of questions.
questions that asked... "who is the master?"
"how will i find Josh?"
"how can i fight Josh?"
but even more so "how can i get home?"
A telekinetic link was established.
A voice appeared in his head, responding to the questions
"all in good time will you find your answers"
Bilby, his mind in mor trivial questions.
"Is that his voice? is it who i think it is"
"haha yes bilby it is....
but your not going to find out who it is, until the next Issue
BilbyLife IV : Birth of the Ranga Ranger.
until next time, Cobb Out!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
monster
blood, flowing free,
pooling round your feet
pain, suffering,
sucking up your grief
choke, asphyxia,
struggling for breath
die, softly now,
just accept your death
drink up every drop,
cannot make it stop,
falling through abyss,
your apocalypse
red, sticky sweet,
soaking up the smell
fire, searing flames,
send you down to hell
meat, dripping raw,
feast upon your young
flesh, stripped of bone,
taste upon my tongue
slipping as you moan,
picking at the bones,
struggle to hold on,
perish in my song
teeth, sinking in,
tearing at the meat
breathing, weaker now,
losing body heat
cold, stiffened corpse,
devouring my fill
running, through the night,
hunting for next kill
moonlight in my eyes,
watching as you die,
stalking through the night,
fill your heart with fright
dark, shadows fall,
the nightmare still lives on
sunlight, rising up,
cannot stay for long
shifting, changing shape,
pray for night again
hidden, now i wear,
the mask that is a man.
pooling round your feet
pain, suffering,
sucking up your grief
choke, asphyxia,
struggling for breath
die, softly now,
just accept your death
drink up every drop,
cannot make it stop,
falling through abyss,
your apocalypse
red, sticky sweet,
soaking up the smell
fire, searing flames,
send you down to hell
meat, dripping raw,
feast upon your young
flesh, stripped of bone,
taste upon my tongue
slipping as you moan,
picking at the bones,
struggle to hold on,
perish in my song
teeth, sinking in,
tearing at the meat
breathing, weaker now,
losing body heat
cold, stiffened corpse,
devouring my fill
running, through the night,
hunting for next kill
moonlight in my eyes,
watching as you die,
stalking through the night,
fill your heart with fright
dark, shadows fall,
the nightmare still lives on
sunlight, rising up,
cannot stay for long
shifting, changing shape,
pray for night again
hidden, now i wear,
the mask that is a man.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
another day in the life of a crazy bilby.
well here i am...
i'm out on the slums, here with every lost soul, damn mugger and nasty hooker on this side of the big city.
Out on that fish stinking water front, sleeping in the slum and watching every joe and mary wandering past, enjoying the high life.
Couples with money on the higher boundaries, with me, all drunken unshaven and homeless, down on the lower banks.
I look up at these couples and remember "Shane". Now there's a man that takes me back.
Thinking back on those hot summer nights, his little green shirt he'd wear to bed. The noise he'd make as i massaged his back.
Thinking of this damned siren. He haunts me.
Taking me into this damn Nior perspective. An Incubbi taunting me and reducing me to waterfront trash.
I look over and see the big city again, drunken hysteria making me see sickeningly, almost like the waves that nautesly come to shore and back.
The City, thats where i could be.
But why am i stuck on this damn water front?
The thought of a heavenly lover drives me down, but the memory of a dream takes me here.
That damn fish woman, a savior and a fool in one i am.
Taking that damned dream tauntress back to my bed, the bed i was currently sharing with Shane.
Only there to reveal it was actually Sly Flogan, the damnedest seductor of our century.
Still tossing in the pleasure that was a hell of a swallowing of this basturds doing, I had to see my angel in the midst of being ravaged by demons.
Shane's father, a powerful man, was my boss.
once news spread of my betrayal, i lost my friends, my lover, my job, and soon afterwards my home.
Momzie's won't take me back, hearing of my homosexual escapades. So it leads me being tossed out to the other sodomites and devils of the night, here on the water front. to die and stay dead in there eyes.
I sleep in the net, i first found my demons,
funny that
thrown into the pit of peoples accusations, and sleeping in the very literal pit the problem first started.
I look up, i see shane and his new fianc'e, Jimi Diago.
He's a business tycoon, an older fellow with a pension for young lust.
Shane doesn't look to happy in that mans arms.
Obviously a cursed partner ship through the will of Shane's tyrant father.
Shane and i exchange a glance.
A million years of betrayal and heartbrake reflect.
But a sense of love.
i look down to see on his exposed butt cheeck the symbol of love
peeking out of the shorts is a tatoo of my genitalia
the red hairs from my balls, forming a love heart, wording out "bilby loves shane" underwards
more hairs inscribing under the wang "insert here", showing an arrow pointing to the anus.
Shane's eyes were black. I can see Jimi Diago didn't approve of past memorbilia on the body.
"well kiss my grits"
and there he was, the incubi who led me here.
"oh, hello frazer"
"we aint seen you for aaaages. ohhh no no no no no. not since that glorious night, oh yes! what do you do now if you dont mind silly ol me asking?"
"i live here, in this very pit you taunted me in Siren"
"Oh well i see you aint been oblliged to a good livin, but i can always offer you a good eatin.."
he winks and looks down at his nipples.
" say...come back to my place and i can give you somin to chew onn... with a little cash payment of course HAHAHAHA"
Now this is what i'm resorted to, whoring to a devil to live. maybe i dont want to live, maybe i've had enough,
but theres a fire in me that wants me to keep on living, to hold that goddamn angel Shane in my arms again.
He still tempts me to come home and find him, lying there on bed watching tv.
like he use to.
oh god i remember it.
I go to the address Sly Flogan gave me. It's there i see Jimi Diago walk out the room, Sly slapping him on the ass.
And here is my ticket to regain my lost love, and possibly repent for my sins.
I turn back and make way to my old apartment..
I arrive, seeing Shane in the exact way i wanted to.
Chips all over his mouth and chest, sitting on the bed wearing his silk panties watchin television.
I look down at my watch and realise it is midnight,
which means this is the end of my day,
and the begining of
"yet another day in the life of a crazy bilby"
coming soon
well it might come soon.
if he's too offended by this i'll take it off.
i'm out on the slums, here with every lost soul, damn mugger and nasty hooker on this side of the big city.
Out on that fish stinking water front, sleeping in the slum and watching every joe and mary wandering past, enjoying the high life.
Couples with money on the higher boundaries, with me, all drunken unshaven and homeless, down on the lower banks.
I look up at these couples and remember "Shane". Now there's a man that takes me back.
Thinking back on those hot summer nights, his little green shirt he'd wear to bed. The noise he'd make as i massaged his back.
Thinking of this damned siren. He haunts me.
Taking me into this damn Nior perspective. An Incubbi taunting me and reducing me to waterfront trash.
I look over and see the big city again, drunken hysteria making me see sickeningly, almost like the waves that nautesly come to shore and back.
The City, thats where i could be.
But why am i stuck on this damn water front?
The thought of a heavenly lover drives me down, but the memory of a dream takes me here.
That damn fish woman, a savior and a fool in one i am.
Taking that damned dream tauntress back to my bed, the bed i was currently sharing with Shane.
Only there to reveal it was actually Sly Flogan, the damnedest seductor of our century.
Still tossing in the pleasure that was a hell of a swallowing of this basturds doing, I had to see my angel in the midst of being ravaged by demons.
Shane's father, a powerful man, was my boss.
once news spread of my betrayal, i lost my friends, my lover, my job, and soon afterwards my home.
Momzie's won't take me back, hearing of my homosexual escapades. So it leads me being tossed out to the other sodomites and devils of the night, here on the water front. to die and stay dead in there eyes.
I sleep in the net, i first found my demons,
funny that
thrown into the pit of peoples accusations, and sleeping in the very literal pit the problem first started.
I look up, i see shane and his new fianc'e, Jimi Diago.
He's a business tycoon, an older fellow with a pension for young lust.
Shane doesn't look to happy in that mans arms.
Obviously a cursed partner ship through the will of Shane's tyrant father.
Shane and i exchange a glance.
A million years of betrayal and heartbrake reflect.
But a sense of love.
i look down to see on his exposed butt cheeck the symbol of love
peeking out of the shorts is a tatoo of my genitalia
the red hairs from my balls, forming a love heart, wording out "bilby loves shane" underwards
more hairs inscribing under the wang "insert here", showing an arrow pointing to the anus.
Shane's eyes were black. I can see Jimi Diago didn't approve of past memorbilia on the body.
"well kiss my grits"
and there he was, the incubi who led me here.
"oh, hello frazer"
"we aint seen you for aaaages. ohhh no no no no no. not since that glorious night, oh yes! what do you do now if you dont mind silly ol me asking?"
"i live here, in this very pit you taunted me in Siren"
"Oh well i see you aint been oblliged to a good livin, but i can always offer you a good eatin.."
he winks and looks down at his nipples.
" say...come back to my place and i can give you somin to chew onn... with a little cash payment of course HAHAHAHA"
Now this is what i'm resorted to, whoring to a devil to live. maybe i dont want to live, maybe i've had enough,
but theres a fire in me that wants me to keep on living, to hold that goddamn angel Shane in my arms again.
He still tempts me to come home and find him, lying there on bed watching tv.
like he use to.
oh god i remember it.
I go to the address Sly Flogan gave me. It's there i see Jimi Diago walk out the room, Sly slapping him on the ass.
And here is my ticket to regain my lost love, and possibly repent for my sins.
I turn back and make way to my old apartment..
I arrive, seeing Shane in the exact way i wanted to.
Chips all over his mouth and chest, sitting on the bed wearing his silk panties watchin television.
I look down at my watch and realise it is midnight,
which means this is the end of my day,
and the begining of
"yet another day in the life of a crazy bilby"
coming soon
well it might come soon.
if he's too offended by this i'll take it off.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
a day in the life of a crazy bilby
i was walking along the beach the other day, when lo and behold, i found a mermaid. she was hot. and kinda cut up from a fishing net. i walked over to this mermaid and wondered why no-one else had noticed her. anyway i carried her back to my place wich wasnt very far away and i patched her up with lots of waterproof bandaids. and she was so grateful she said "oh mr bilby lets have sex" and i said sure thing. she looked at me and said "what about your girlfriend?" and i said "shane isnt here now baby, what he doesnt know wont hurt him" and the mermaid giggled and said "oh mr bilby, you do go on".
so i took her to my room, and as she was already naked, i didnt have to undress her. well i got naked and my beer belly nearly knocked a hole in the wall. yes, im a bit of an alcoholic. well i got on the bed with her and i was like "so what do we do now?" and she looked at me kinda strange and was like "im nto ur irst am i???" and i said "fuck no, im the pimpiest pimp this side of pimpsville, i get more ass than a toilet seat, i get more pussy than mel gibson, i get more ladies than a womens bathroom" and she laughed and said "bullshit, ur a bad liar"
i was kinda shocked that she had seen through my brilliant disguise, and was like, "ouch". she laughed some more. i said "well iv seen a lot of porn in my day, i know what goes were and all that" and she said "gay porn doesnt count" shit, there goes half my experience. "how do u do a mermaid anyway??? i mean, your a fish on the bottom. iv never seen fish doing it or anything, so what the fuck is supposed to happen???" and she pulled off her tail, and i realised she wasnt a mermaid at all. she was a merman! oh god, jesus almighty, a fucking merman in my bed! thank you lord!
so i looked at her, erm, him, and was like, "this doesnt make it any easier you know" and he giggled in his high girly voice and said "oh mr bibly, surely you can use your imagination here" and i thought about it for a bit, and a bit more, and after half an hour realised that the merman had got bored of waiting and was now watching fish porn on my laptop. "i know!" i shouted at long last. "give me lots and lots of head!" and the merman licked his lips and said "yum yum, bibly, i cant wait to begin" and i started feeling all high and mighty so i yelled "yea bitch, you better enjoy it" and smacked him in the face. he punched me in the nuts and it hurt like fuck! i kinda blacked out for a bit at this point.
when i came to, i was getting some! hell yea! even when im passed out due to getting hit in the gonads, i can still score!!! go me!!! so i sat there smiling and nodding my head, and was like, "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yea bitch, you like that dont you, yea take it all!" and he stopped and looked up at me "wait, thats all??? thats all there is to you??? christ, i woulda thought, you know, having big feet and all, but ok...." and i sat there kinda shocked at this. "oh" he said again. "by the way, you jizzed like 28 times in the first 5 seconds as well. might wanna call that premature ejaculation number or something" i was angry at this, so i grabbed his hair and pushed him onto my monstrously hunourmous gigantic bilby cock and was like "i hope you choke bitch!"
at this point in time, shane burst through the door. "oh my god, bilby, how could you?????????" he shouted and burst into tears. "baby, its not what it looks like" i tried to comfort him. "its a merman, i found him on the beach and i had to help him, and this is my magical reward is all" and shane cried even harder and said "you've been drinking again havnt you?" and i said "what do you mean?" and he said "thats not a merman thats fraser logan!" and i looked down and relised that it was, and fraser logan looked up at me and smiled and said "fucked up there, didnt you?"
well, just a little hint at how bored i am right now. im so bored i wrote a gay erotica about bilby and flogan. have a good fathers day everyone.
so i took her to my room, and as she was already naked, i didnt have to undress her. well i got naked and my beer belly nearly knocked a hole in the wall. yes, im a bit of an alcoholic. well i got on the bed with her and i was like "so what do we do now?" and she looked at me kinda strange and was like "im nto ur irst am i???" and i said "fuck no, im the pimpiest pimp this side of pimpsville, i get more ass than a toilet seat, i get more pussy than mel gibson, i get more ladies than a womens bathroom" and she laughed and said "bullshit, ur a bad liar"
i was kinda shocked that she had seen through my brilliant disguise, and was like, "ouch". she laughed some more. i said "well iv seen a lot of porn in my day, i know what goes were and all that" and she said "gay porn doesnt count" shit, there goes half my experience. "how do u do a mermaid anyway??? i mean, your a fish on the bottom. iv never seen fish doing it or anything, so what the fuck is supposed to happen???" and she pulled off her tail, and i realised she wasnt a mermaid at all. she was a merman! oh god, jesus almighty, a fucking merman in my bed! thank you lord!
so i looked at her, erm, him, and was like, "this doesnt make it any easier you know" and he giggled in his high girly voice and said "oh mr bibly, surely you can use your imagination here" and i thought about it for a bit, and a bit more, and after half an hour realised that the merman had got bored of waiting and was now watching fish porn on my laptop. "i know!" i shouted at long last. "give me lots and lots of head!" and the merman licked his lips and said "yum yum, bibly, i cant wait to begin" and i started feeling all high and mighty so i yelled "yea bitch, you better enjoy it" and smacked him in the face. he punched me in the nuts and it hurt like fuck! i kinda blacked out for a bit at this point.
when i came to, i was getting some! hell yea! even when im passed out due to getting hit in the gonads, i can still score!!! go me!!! so i sat there smiling and nodding my head, and was like, "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yea bitch, you like that dont you, yea take it all!" and he stopped and looked up at me "wait, thats all??? thats all there is to you??? christ, i woulda thought, you know, having big feet and all, but ok...." and i sat there kinda shocked at this. "oh" he said again. "by the way, you jizzed like 28 times in the first 5 seconds as well. might wanna call that premature ejaculation number or something" i was angry at this, so i grabbed his hair and pushed him onto my monstrously hunourmous gigantic bilby cock and was like "i hope you choke bitch!"
at this point in time, shane burst through the door. "oh my god, bilby, how could you?????????" he shouted and burst into tears. "baby, its not what it looks like" i tried to comfort him. "its a merman, i found him on the beach and i had to help him, and this is my magical reward is all" and shane cried even harder and said "you've been drinking again havnt you?" and i said "what do you mean?" and he said "thats not a merman thats fraser logan!" and i looked down and relised that it was, and fraser logan looked up at me and smiled and said "fucked up there, didnt you?"
well, just a little hint at how bored i am right now. im so bored i wrote a gay erotica about bilby and flogan. have a good fathers day everyone.
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